I'm pissed! But I'm not sure if I have cause to be, so since I've always enjoyed your blog I thought I'd ask for some advice of my own. I go to a relatively small college, and for my Psychology class I have been working closely with (what else) a boy who I think I like a lot. (And I don't normally like people, I suppose because I'm particular.)
Anyway we have spent the past few weeks working together which equals LOTS of working together time. One of the student observers (our school lets incoming students from the area or some underclassman sit in on classes and help if needed, particularly for students interested in teaching.) One of these students is a girl who I met last semester through some friends, who I always got along well with. However lately her and my partner (aforementioned "boy") have been talking a lot. Most of the times I'm there but more and more I've seen them talking and he's talking to me about their hanging out.Our school is very small so everyone essentially knows everyone, and a lot of people have been talking about these two even though I'm pretty sure nothing has happened yet. The thing is that he and I are both seniors and she is (in my opinion) significantly younger - five years. It's not that I think she's immature or anything, just too young! Is it wrong of me to feel just a little bit entitled because he's my partner and we met first and I'm older and all? I don't know what to do! And what to do about my friendship with the girl? Her and I have never talked about it. I don't know if you've ever experienced anything like this but boy, am I just going crazy! Please, Help!!!!
Dear Finders Keepers,
Ok. I know you wrote me really hoping that I'd side with you and call her a skank and get all "you go girl" on you. But that's just not going to happen. Here's why:
1. I never get all "you go girl."
2. You only mention hanging out with him in academic settings. This...is not dating, in any sense of the word.
3. You never talked about it with the other girl. She probably has no idea how you feel, so you can't blame her for trying. (This entire reply would be different if you'd talked to her about this boy. In that case, I would definitely have called her a skank and I might have encouraged you to cut a bitch. I'm a big advocate of girls not stealing a friend's man. But, alas, that was not the case.)
4. Since you don't talk about him with other people, I am guessing you haven't talked about it with HIM. And on that note, you're probably not trying...I'm guessing there hasn't been any strategic hair flipping or sending yourself flowers and candy so he'll see how desirable you are? (Deduct points from your life total if you don't know what that's from.) Boys are totally oblivious; you have to make it SUPER OBVIOUS that you like them like them.
5. You said yourself that you're not even sure you like him.
I don't even know what to do with that! It sounds to me like you're upset this girl did what you didn't/couldn't do. She made a move and it's sort of working, at least from what I can tell. And that sucks. For you, it sucks bigtime.
However, I'm totally with you on her being too young. An incoming student? Assuming everyone involved is a traditional aged student, then he needs to grow up because that means she's still in high school. (I've written about that before; check here.)
Are you allowed to feel a little territorial? Sure, I can't hold that against you. I've been in your position before. (It sucked. I hated it. A lot. Let's move on.) But the Girl Scout didn't really break any Girl Rules and so it's out of my hands.
Not to be all maternal here, but maybe you learn from this one. Boys are really more like life experiences anyway. Until you like a boy enough to admit that you like him, he's not really worth your time. (They so rarely are; they frequently suck at life.) Next time, trick him into asking you out before another girl does.
Chin up, buttercup, because he'll realize soon enough that he's not interested in taking her to the senior prom and that'll be over. Maybe then you make a move. Or just sit back and laugh. Your call.