tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-342422422024-02-20T20:58:13.780-05:00Dear Bitter Amanda...Have questions for Bitter Amanda? She's full of answers. Send them to dear.bitter.amanda[at]gmail[dot]com!Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.comBlogger182125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-73321748141098457742014-09-23T12:02:00.002-04:002014-09-23T12:04:00.396-04:00Dear Butt Stuff...<div dir="ltr">
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Having
recently moved to a big city, I was talked into joining Tinder. "It'll
be fun," said my friend. "It doesn't even HAVE to be about random
hookups. You'll get out, meet people, have fun interactions, maybe even
make a friend or two." </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Boy, was he overselling the concept.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My
very first "match" (which is what Tinder calls this inexact science of
judging people by their Facebook pictures and liked pages) seemed
promising. Look, I'll be honest: I have a type. Like, if there's a guy
with more than 10 words in his bio and a picture of performing at some
comedy club, I'm going to swipe right. You think, "Hey, here's a guy
invested in making people laugh. And capable of using the English
language to his advantage. What could go wrong?"</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The
answer to that, dear Bitter Amanda, is A LOT. Because his immediate
response to me, despite this happenstance taking place at <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_1083480460" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ">2 pm</span></span> on a Thursday afternoon, was, "Butt stuff?" </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Many
reiterations of the same type (how many guys are doing standup comedy
now, anyway?!) did not amount to much more. One guy made a delightful
pun involving a crude description of the female anatomy. Another
immediately launched into a story about being shot in the hand the
previous weekend. Yet another posed a terrible pickup line about swiping
our genitalia against each other as a metaphorical homage to our (as he
called it) "digital meet-cute."</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Is
this really what dating has come to, BA? Must I modulate my
expectations for my late twenties as a montage of "digital meet-cutes"
with neanderthals inside my phone? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yours,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Tinderella</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Butt Stuff, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No. No no no no no. <b>IS THIS HOW WE'RE TRYING TO IMPRESS EACH OTHER, FELLOW SINGLES? </b>Is this really something we're comfortable making our dating trademark? <i>"Butt stuff?"</i>?! This kind of message should really only occur between people who either know each other or who are fully aware that the other person might be into that. To me, that's a 2am text message from your occasional hook up. That is NOT an introduction on a Thursday afternoon. That is NOT a "meet-cute" at all. That's a meet-gross. It's not even a well-crafted sentence! It's not a sentence at all! Talk about a gamble that didn't pay off. Guys, you have to stop this nonsense. (Ok, before you all jump up to tell me that I'm unfairly stereotyping, let me just tell you that in all my days, I've NEVER heard complaints that a woman pulled this crap upon meeting another single. Never. So sure, maybe I'm lumping you all together, but you are the common perpetrators of this ridiculous behavior. Don't blame me, blame the first guy who sent a dick pic to a lady without her expressly asking for one.***)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your letter is particularly well-timed, as I witnessed Tinder for the first time some weeks ago. It was...eye opening. I've been working on a blog post about it. (No, before you ask, I am not on Tinder.) As a concept, I sort of get it. It's a dating site hoping we love instant gratification and making snap judgments enough to join. But in reality, I share your concerns. Must we lower our standards? Maybe I'm meeting all the wrong ones, but I'm not impressed by the ways I'm wooed by men. It's underwhelming. I'm not blaming Tinder for this, since it was already a problem. I don't even know who I'm blaming! For once, it's not men. (Victory!) I saw this book at a used book sale last week, which elevated my concerns. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaH7QT4jjy7RpMIBxkZYMGKJkXgbZ9nGPmOVThTbOGHFWQxU-SYt8V8rEOiW0CgClbnd1Q8oO0DLZqLfl1pVdTxCgXIseg2xhUNBYcqzXayD19HE46p1cnXu6DIma1x31pAUPt/s1600/20140920_161357.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaH7QT4jjy7RpMIBxkZYMGKJkXgbZ9nGPmOVThTbOGHFWQxU-SYt8V8rEOiW0CgClbnd1Q8oO0DLZqLfl1pVdTxCgXIseg2xhUNBYcqzXayD19HE46p1cnXu6DIma1x31pAUPt/s1600/20140920_161357.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></span></a></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You guys I don't want to settle for Mr. Good Enough. I don't know about you, Tinderella, but weddings are annoying enough without including a <i>tolerable </i>groom. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let's raise our standards, singles. Let's not send complete strangers a message that simply says "Butt stuff." Let's be better than that. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">***Let's talk about dick pics another day. A sentence I never imagined typing. </span></span></div>
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-46852911920235206232014-05-06T11:58:00.000-04:002014-05-06T11:58:10.849-04:00Dear Not Even Close...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,<br /><br />I know you're not an iPerson but what do you think of this app for couples?<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Do You Want To Do This With Me Y/N?<br /><br />You&Me - Messaging for Couples by HowAboutWe<br /><a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/you-me-messaging-for-couples/id864197890?mt=8" target="_blank">https://itunes.apple.com/us/<wbr></wbr>app/you-me-messaging-for-<wbr></wbr>couples/id864197890?mt=8</a></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Not Even Close,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No. No no no. This is not ok. Your email subject line, "Gone too far?" is very appropriate, except I'm <i>telling</i>, not asking. This has indeed <b>gone too far</b>. Couples, do you just have to have EVERYTHING? </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I was going to say that this is a good thing, since maybe it would keep some of your couple bullshit out of my face. However, I have a sinking feeling that the type of couple to use a Secret Message in a Bottle, No Singles Allowed app is the type of couple who will still make public declarations to each other on facebook and it will still show up on my newsfeed and leave me to wonder what gross sappy nonsense is<i> possibly left </i>to share in your Super Secret Couple App. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even technology has turned against being single. I hate everything. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-67295148125400243322014-04-23T10:26:00.000-04:002014-04-23T10:26:00.536-04:00Dear Jumpsuit Barbie...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I just got spam from a designer clothes outlet informing me that jumpsuits are a fashionable trend on the horizon. IN WHAT UNIVERSE?!? </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sincerely, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Enraged Fashionista</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Jumpsuit Barbie,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Not even worried. It was in your spam folder, right? Have you ever <i>read</i> any of those messages? They're full of random words and phrases in hopes that something will seem legit and trick you into opening it. It honestly looks like two toddlers had a conversation in another language, while another toddler took the minutes, then popped it into google translate. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
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<a href="http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Ron-Swanson-Every-Word-I-Know.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Ron-Swanson-Every-Word-I-Know.gif" height="156" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There's a reason this email went to your spam folder. It's nonsense. Rest easy, fashionista. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HOWEVER, on the off chance that this email is legit and jumpsuits are trending...well, I consider my onesie a jumpsuit. <span style="font-size: large;">Fashion trend for spring: <b>comfort</b>. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1UuVV_8ofmCB-WHYjKKKOgJC2_1E8kaKkZc7P1Jbs5HIqa3tAXsj5517zWIi0BhNUPqKkqbu-7cAsiHk-mmt2AukOoYc_cHnCmWM_wehqpy4D2IiF02fmB_K9y04P3JoSThH8/s1600/20131027_075240.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1UuVV_8ofmCB-WHYjKKKOgJC2_1E8kaKkZc7P1Jbs5HIqa3tAXsj5517zWIi0BhNUPqKkqbu-7cAsiHk-mmt2AukOoYc_cHnCmWM_wehqpy4D2IiF02fmB_K9y04P3JoSThH8/s1600/20131027_075240.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-1680185944207615662014-04-10T11:38:00.000-04:002014-04-10T11:38:03.106-04:00Dear Daydream Believer...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,<br /><br />I don't know if you interpret dreams on a regular basis, but I had a strange one I'd like to get your opinion on. In it, I ran into two guys I used to know; one from high school, one from a job. I wasn't really close with either of them, and I don't even think they ever met each other in real life. But in the dream, they are both fighting for my attention. It was like they were trying to determine "alpha male" with me as some sort of prize. At one point in the dream the tension between them was so thick I went to the bathroom not to pee, but to get away from them. (Random side note: I got lost on the way to the bathroom, which was on the other side of a field and more like a large outhouse with a bunch of women changing into bathing suits even though it was late, cold, and nowhere around to swim.)<br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But why are guys I haven't seen in years popping up in my dream? I wasn't close to them, wasn't attracted to them, and don't speak to them anymore. And could the fighting for my attention symbolize something else that's going on in real life (because guys fighting over me isn't exactly happening in the real world.) And I'm a feminist, why wasn't I upset in the dream when I was being objectified and fought over like a trophy? Is my subconscious trying to tell me something, or am I trying to read too much into this?<br /><br />Thoughts?<br /><br />~Confused Dreamer</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Daydream Believer,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ok, so I'm going to confess a few things here. One, I sometimes read my horoscope. Two, I've been to see a psychic...twice. And three, I probably still have the dream dictionary I got at the book fair in middle school. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But I am not touching your dream. <b>After all, all that weird shit happened in <i>your </i>head. </b>This is about your perspective. When it comes to dreams, even the internet can't agree on things--I did a google search on the meaning of a dream about teeth falling out--a common theme, apparently. Some people say it's anxiety, other that it's about losing something important. Freud, of course, says it's about sexual repression--<b>we get it, Freud</b>. So you see what I'm saying? It's not exact. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So this is on you, Dreamer. You can think about your dream and try to stumble onto some personal meaning. Or you can <b>chill the fuck out</b>, because yeah, you're probably reading way too much into this. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-5359220785529550792014-03-12T11:44:00.000-04:002014-03-12T11:44:41.311-04:00Dear Calamity Jane...<div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,</span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My grandmother once told me, "You can fall in love with a rich man just as easily as with a poor man." What are your thoughts on this? Or, how about this hypothetical: Say that you, Bitter Amanda, know two kind/smart/reasonably attractive men. Actually, first, let's pretend you are in a Disney movie. (This will make the rest of this scenario more reasonable. If you can call it that.) Now lets say you know two fine dudes. Mr. A, and Mr. B. Let's assume you have a good rapport with both-- you can goof off with each of them, share personal stuff without feeling too awkward, etc. In short, they both embody all the traits of a really really good friend, which is, obviously, important in a mate. By some Disney-fied twist of fate, they both propose to you. (Because the goal of most Disney movies is to marry off the leading lady. We will skip commentary on that for the time being.)</span></div>
<div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Consider the following: Mr. A gives you butterflies in your stomach every time you see him, but the money situation is spotty. Maybe he's a musician or an activist or something awesomely hip and idealistic. Spending time with him always feels like fireworks and flying, but you've been watching a lot of Discovery Channel and know that 90% of the time, that 'whee!' feeling wears off in 5 years, at which point you may still be renting the basement from your parents. Still, he's got all those other qualities mentioned above, and right now it's super exciting. Mr. B, you totally have a great time with, but he's not as super hot as the other guy. He's got a pretty sweet job, and can take care of himself, and you're definitely attracted, but you aren't tripping over chairs or dropping tea on your shirt like you are with Mr A. Mr B is just sweet, comfortable and caring, and also he occasionally pays for your cocktails.</span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Who do you pick? Do you think there's a stigma of picking one over the other? If the genders were reversed, would your answer be different?</span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">--Conundrum Sam</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Calamity Jane,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let's start thinking of ourselves as badass ladies, hm? (Forget the part where calamity means disaster.) </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sure, we could pretend this is a Disney movie where you're the leading lady and I'm the talking tree/fairy godmother/teapot who gives you advice. But if this happened to be a Disney movie, and not your life, one of these guys would inevitably reveal himself as a villain out to get your father's fortune and kingdom. (We would also have some catchy songs and fun animal sidekicks, but that's not important right now.) This isn't a Disney movie. Sorry. I don't sing. Your grandmother wasn't wrong, but she also gave you advice from a different era. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You raise some very practical questions, and a certain amount of that is expected and healthy. You want to go into a marriage with you eyes wide open on the financial stuff. That being said, I have a question for you: </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Why do you have to <i>marry</i> one of these guys?</b> </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Why can't you just date one and decide if you can tolerate his bullshit on a daily basis? At some point you'll have to choose between them--and it sounds like you're at that point--but choosing one doesn't mean you have to marry him. Life isn't all about money--yes it's important and yes life is easier if you can pay your bills--but it's not everything. Go with the guy who annoys you less. Find a man who puts the toilet seat down and doesn't lie to you. (GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.) See how things go.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Is there a stigma attached? I don't know. In my experience, your life choices will usually be the source of gossip somewhere--no matter what decision you make. Gossipy bitches will always find something to hate. You can't worry about that. You do you. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For the record, my answer wouldn't change if any of the genders in this scenario were different. Unless it was my gender, which brings up all kinds of <i>what if</i> questions about the course of my life leading me to write advice on the internet.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-76764344822530027752014-03-05T12:04:00.001-05:002014-03-05T12:05:06.051-05:00Dear Nancy Archer...<div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,</span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I recently had an interesting conversation with a male friend of mine on the subject of height in dating. He's slightly below average height, but has no qualms about asking out taller ladies. He mentioned that he thinks it's annoying when guys have strict physical requirements for women, and that he doesn't like it when they are all about, to quote, "tits and ass". He thinks that female-imposed height requirements are the male equivalent. My first question is, with you being a tallish lady, what do you think of this analogy?</span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Also, being a tallish lady, do you find yourself basically invisible to men within +/- 2 inches of your height? I mentioned to my friend I'm usually I'm approached by men quite a bit shorter than I am, and very occasionally by men well over 6 ft. Anyone close to my height is basically oblivious to my charms. I wondered to my friend why this was, but he didn't know, because, in his experience, people seemed surprised when he asked out women taller than he is. Any thoughts on my scenario? Or his, in fact?</span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And now for the kicker: Given these two perspectives, who do you think is more hung up on height in a relationship (in general society), men or women? And why do you think that is? This is of great sociological importance! You now have the opportunity to weigh in on this pressing issue.</span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">-The Big Friendly Giantess</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Nancy Archer,</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ugh, it is crazy how much we all care about height in dating. Here's the thing: we're ALL hung up on it. And we can't do much about it! <b>Let's make some sweeping generalizations, shall we?</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You're right--I am a tallish lady. Men my height are generally considered average height, but for a woman I'm on the tall side. I also happen to like wearing tall shoes from time to time. If you were to ask if I like tall men, then my answer is yes. (I can't even lie to you--I started humming <i>Baby Got Back</i> and changing the words in my head to be about tall men and now I'm not sure I respect myself anymore.) Do I <i>exclusively </i>like tall men? Not even close.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's not a terrible analogy from your friend. However, I think it's only half done. Sure, there are guys who are all about tits and ass--but there are also women who are all about a sixpack and well-toned biceps. And yes, short is a dealbreaker for some women. Body type and height are separate things we look for in a partner. That being said, I think your average height friend is too forgiving of his average height brethren. I was going to make some animal kingdom comparisons using a rainforest example, but I realized I was mixing up animal habitats and I don't feel like googling for accuracy. For the record, my forest floor/treeline/above the canopy deal was going to dazzle you. But life is full of heartache, so you'll have to deal with some personal observations instead. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Nancy, of all the people I've met, the people with the biggest hangups regarding height are medium height guys. Hands down they are the most sensitive to a tall woman. From my observations, tall guys hardly notice if you're wearing heels, and short guys definitely notice but don't care because you're already taller than them. But medium height guys <i>care</i>. I've had medium height guys get pissy with me and ask if I <b>have </b>to wear heels. (My answer is always yes because I am not about to spend the rest of my life--<i>and that includes this evening</i>--wearing flats just for some guy.) This medium height angst is probably why people are surprised by your friend's actions--they aren't used to a guy of his stature being so comfortable around tall women <b>because they are so often throwing a hissy fit about it</b>. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As for your second question, I haven't noticed a similar pattern. I am equally visible to tall, medium, and short <strike>liars</strike> men. I suspect it is because I'm loud and insert myself into conversations. (I have other methods that I rely on for invisibility.) I actually can't imagine why men your height aren't noticing you..I mean, you're at eye level! Perhaps they are used to looking down. Although...this would lead them to a direct confrontation with your chest...and you'd think THAT would get a reaction... Unless they're all looking up? Which seems odd that you'd be encountering<b> all </b>the average height guys looking for a tall woman. It just doesn't seem likely. Maybe you could try some kind of eye-catching hat...no stop I hate myself for that even more than the song I made up earlier. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm actually baffled. Perhaps one of my readers has some wisdom. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span><br />
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<a href="http://i986.photobucket.com/albums/ae350/Doctor_Kaiju/Kaiju/nancy_fowler_archer_1958_zpsc9c06f2f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3;"><img border="0" src="http://i986.photobucket.com/albums/ae350/Doctor_Kaiju/Kaiju/nancy_fowler_archer_1958_zpsc9c06f2f.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Medium Height Guys,</span></span><br />
<strike><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I still love you. </span></strike><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><strike><br /></strike></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><strike>Well...I love you just as much as I love short and tall guys. </strike></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You all annoy me equally. You're just as likely to get my phone number as a short or tall guy. (None of you will get it.) </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3;">xo ba</span></span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-72975878022626966342014-01-06T11:22:00.001-05:002014-01-06T11:23:17.714-05:00Dear Jenny...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am a bit worried that my boyfriend is moving...a bit too fast. I love him and I truly believe that he could (in the immortal words from Disney's Hercules) Go The Distance! We've met each other families and his parents really like me and my parents adore him. Even more importantly, my friends seem to like him and his friends like me. I really understand that he wants to start planning our future together. However, I don't think i am ready for this big of a move. I mean, a joint cell phone plan is a big deal.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have had my cell number since the end of high school. I don't think I could just give it up, not even for a handsome face and really good sex. Also I think he wants to get us on a plan that would get him the newest iPhone and I, personally, am Android user. It's like we are two star-crossed operating systems. How do I tell my man that I am not ready for this kind of commitment?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">From</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">867-5309</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Jenny,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Don't change your number. </i>It's in the song. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ok, it's more complicated than that. I get it. First of all, you have my sympathies for being an Android user dating an iMan. I've been in your shoes and I can only hope that your boyfriend doesn't constantly try to convince you to switch. Operating systems shouldn't make or break a relationship, but iUsers sometimes think it can. To hear about your choices time and time again would be awful. (Am I projecting? I think I'm projecting. Let's move on.) </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I do NOT understand the push to combine bills and checking accounts and other adult stuff. I can understand making space in the closet. I understand their sweatshirts slowly being adopted into your own wardrobe. I understand <i>you drink Pepsi and I drink Coke but I bought you Pepsi for when you're at my place</i>. But money? Money makes me nervous. I caution everyone to think long and hard before combining any financial part of your lives. I'm not saying your partner is going to wipe out your joint account* or that you'll get stuck paying the bills every month waiting for them to get their half to you.** It's not because of a fatalistic belief that all couples break up, either.*** It just makes everything <b>so much more complicated</b>. Finances are stressful and you're putting that stress on a relationship. Relationships are hard enough to navigate without arguing how much data you think you'll need. <b>Don't do it. </b>There's time for all that later. </span></div>
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<b><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">People don't write to me because they're in a perfect relationship. (<i>Thank God</i>.) You're here because you're not ready for this. And that's okay. There isn't a set relationship timeline you have to follow. The way I see it, you can handle this conversation one of two ways. The first way is to distract him with sex every time he mentions cell phones. On the plus side, you'd be having great sex. However, there is a small chance that his brain will start connecting talking about phones to sex, so you'll have to deal with the weird side effects of that. It might be awkward if he gets excited anytime a Verizon commercial comes on television. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you're a bit nervous about starting a Pavlovian response to AT&T stores, then you should probably (SIGH) have an honest conversation with your boyfriend. <b>Gross, I know</b>. But relationships are like dogs. You chose this. You have to pick up after them and feed them and take care of them, even when you don't want to. Serious Relationship Conversations are the dog shit in this scenario, obviously. If you ignore it, it will pile up until it's filling your yard and your friends feel awkward saying something about it. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just be honest. (UGH I KNOW I'M SORRY but that's just how adult relationships work, I'm told.) If he's as great as you say, you'll be ok.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*Except that does happen.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">**That too. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">***I'm sure you guys will be fine.</span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-61830080874981627432013-12-09T09:51:00.003-05:002013-12-09T09:51:53.459-05:00Dear Santa...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Flipping through the gift guide section in the December issue of my fave magazine, I found this: "sexy sweatpants"...what the...WHAT?!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Kisses,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Santa</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOMs5jAc4jsmyhmmEwpINGgOyn2fHdIDCQdCws7iFKKTNomSzVprq8vOO4cWd6K0gVsr_Y0sqa9lY5TAu5LEyYnYWZFs7tVSSFaeA2Bb86JSb275z4GszC5gV6hagJpeiOz8ld/s1600/IMG_1410.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOMs5jAc4jsmyhmmEwpINGgOyn2fHdIDCQdCws7iFKKTNomSzVprq8vOO4cWd6K0gVsr_Y0sqa9lY5TAu5LEyYnYWZFs7tVSSFaeA2Bb86JSb275z4GszC5gV6hagJpeiOz8ld/s320/IMG_1410.jpg" width="238" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Santa,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You got my letters!! Sexy sweatpants--it's all I ever wanted! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Sweatpants you're supposed to wear out of the house...I think I'm going to cry. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is a serious holiday miracle. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily (and COMFORTABLY!) yours,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-11062792782473273352013-10-28T13:06:00.000-04:002013-10-28T13:06:52.463-04:00Dear Good at Other Things...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have some concerns. Soon I will be going to a friend from Grad School's wedding. I have been excited about it for a while until I realized that I will have to see OTHER people from grad school there. Currently I am the least successful person who graduated from the program. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I need advice on how to deal with this wedding. What do you suggest?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Warm Regards,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't want to make small talk with my successful cohort members</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Good at Other Things,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is a very real concern. I was at a wedding once with a friend who works for the FBI. To hear that success story and then see all eyes turn expectantly to you...yeah, I feel your pain. "...I write a blog. I've got a lot of twitter followers." It's not going to come out well. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So how do you deal with this wedding? The plan I'm suggesting requires a little prep work. First of all, you need to examine your life. Make a list of the things that you're proud of--the stuff you're really nailing in life. Are you dating someone really hot? Have any celebrities tweeted at you lately? Did your new haircut get complimented like, five times at Target last week? Have you been involved in any awesome projects lately? Did your post on tumblr get tons of notes? Did you find a gas station with a great price and text all your friends? I don't care how mundane any of it sounds--this is the foundation of my plan. There are two reasons--the first is that it's important to bolster your confidence a little in these situations. (WEDDINGS, that is.) It's also about to be the first step in a a little research project. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, are you remembering how awesome you are? Good. You're better than those other grad students. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Now you need to do a little research. It's social media time. All those cohort members who are "more successful" than you? Google them. Facebook, twitter, instagram, tumblr. All of it. Focus on those areas where you are awesome. You're dating someone really hot? Time to find out if your classmates are. You're a twitter rockstar? Well how many followers do THEY have? You see where I'm going with this? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You're good at OTHER THINGS. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When you get to this wedding, get yourself a cocktail and mentally review all the stuff that makes you super awesome. (BECAUSE YOU ARE.) When it comes time to talk to the rest of your cohort, let them talk about those jobs. How one dimensional. Your work is not your life! Nod and smile and tell them that's awesome. Before they can ask you, ease the conversation away from work. Direct it towards that list we made. "Did I see that you're in a new relationship?" After those lames tell you about their generic boring girlfriends, they'll ask you. Oh, me? YEAH, I'm dating someone. <b>Check out this hotness.</b> Direct conversation towards your work in the community, or with children, or whatever awesome extracurriculars you've developed. Just constantly redirect the conversation. Stay in the conversation as long as you feel is necessary, and then make your escape. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Then steal all their candy favors from the tables, go home, and tweet to your multitude of followers about your evening. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Good luck! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-81246528910147581122013-10-15T12:57:00.003-04:002013-10-15T12:57:44.897-04:00Dear General Cuss-ter...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm looking for some new curse words. Calling someone an a$&hole just doesn't do it for me any more and I don't like using the misogynistic words (you know the ones I mean). Do you have any recommendations?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">@$*^#€ you,</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Potty Mouth</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear General Cuss-ter,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Real confession: I opened your email and glanced over it before reading. I saw the phrase "asshole just doesn't do it for me" and thought, "THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF ADVICE I GIVE." </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm really happy you want to talk about swearing. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm all for learning new things, so props to you for expanding your horizons. This is about creativity. There's a relatively small pool of words to work from, if you think about it. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There are several things I've found quite useful. First off is the compound word swearing. Combine words, even words that aren't cursing, to come up with quirky and new ways to express your feelings. The other day a friend called someone a "dick sneeze." I wouldn't have considered it, but when he said it, it gave us a pretty solid impression of the person in question. You can take a curse word you'd normally use, then tack on a body part, bodily function, natural disaster--really the possibilities are limitless. For more delicate surroundings, you can also consider combining one of those with an animal. I'd probably be insulted if someone called me a <b>dragon fart </b>or giraffe testicle--you know what I'm saying?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Watch sports with someone who is REALLY INTO SPORTS. Wait for an official to pass judgment on a play or someone on the opposing team to step out of line--you'll hear some shiny new combinations. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You can also broaden your scope and learn a new language! My summer campers know how to swear in at least 5 languages by the end of the first couple days of camp. "What the fuck" is a little more satisfying in Finnish, for example. It's also easier to get away with muttering these under your breath at work. (<a href="http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/11/fireflys_15_best_uses_of_chinese_profanity.php" target="_blank">See also: Joss Whedon's <i>Firefly</i></a>) You can also look to other cultures. This one guy I knew in Ireland practically turned cursing into a sport. When he got going...it was a thing of beauty, in a way. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And finally, if you're looking for something slightly more creative and sort of off the beaten trail, look to the masters! Guys like Shakespeare figured out a million ways to insult people without coming right out and calling them a fuck face. It's a little wordier, so there isn't the instant satisfaction that comes from dropping the word asshole, but it's an option. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Was this helpful? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-2751642705506436052013-09-23T12:07:00.001-04:002013-09-23T12:07:42.635-04:00Dear Anakin Skywalker...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What does "your loss" mean? I HATE when girls use it. To me it says, I kinda wanted you to come to this, but since you have other plans, I'll save face by being a slight dick. Perspective. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Anakin Skywalker,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You're not far off with that one. "Your loss" is a way of turning the disappointment off yourself and onto the other person. It always follows some kind of rejection--whether it's breaking someone's heart or a booty call being denied. I've experienced both sides of the "your loss"--I've heard it and yes, I've said it. And yes, it's kind of a dick move. But it's a <b>defensive dick move</b>. It's a way of saying "I could care less about this rejection--I pretty much won't remember it in five minutes--but man are YOU going to regret it." On the surface, it's "I don't give a fuck"...but underneath that it says "<i>I CARE SO MUCH</i>." </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Remind yourself that she's probably really into you and let that boost your ego for a bit, but let it slide so she can save face. She really does give a fuck that you said no.</span><br />
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<a href="http://i.imgur.com/rnE90.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://i.imgur.com/rnE90.gif" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-81944678419787352382013-08-12T11:01:00.000-04:002013-08-12T11:01:08.724-04:00Dear Optimist...<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">Dear Bitter Amanda,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">Facebook has now opened my eyes to what my friends are thinking and feeling, and as I read my friends post I’m noticing a trend. Someone is always whining about being single! So I started to think back to all the different groups of friends throughout my life and it’s true. Every group I’ve been apart of always has that one person who was never happy and always complained about being single. Who is always searching, always sighing always longing more for. I get it, it sucks! The dating world is a cruel place, but come on, we are all single that’s why we hang out all the time! I feel your pain, I truly do but I can’t take your complaining any more! Amanda, how do I make my friends shut up already? Can’t they see there bad vibes could be the reason they are still single? I love my friends but does there have to be one in every group?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">Yours truly,</span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Frustrated by friends</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Optimist,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">...Is this an intervention? Did you guys all get together to send this? </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No, that can't be right. I complain about men being idiots and couples being obnoxious...not about being single. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You can't make them stop. There will always be that friend who complains about something. If she gets married, she'll find something new to complain about--the topic doesn't really matter. If she starts dating it might be her job. If she gets promoted it'll be her apartment. If that changes, she'll have family issues...you get what I'm saying. Some people just like to whine about their lives. (Tell her to start a blog! I've found that to be a useful vessel for complaining.) </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Seriously, this isn't from my friends, is it? </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-21137813227375674732013-06-17T11:31:00.000-04:002013-06-17T11:32:27.613-04:00Dear Best Policy...<div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,<br /><br />Is there a polite way of saying, "I think you are full of shit and I am not interested in what you have to say"? I've been trying to think of one but am having trouble with the exact phrasing.</span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sincerely,</span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Awkwardly Honest</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Best Policy,</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm about to do something unprecedented and tell you <b>I suck at this</b>. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have <b>no poker face </b>at all. Generally speaking, if I think someone is full of shit and am not interested in what they have to say, my face says it all. My features arrange themselves into an expression of "I'm bored and no shits are being given," while at the same time I'm mentally high fiving myself on really nailing a neutral facial expression. This continues, I've noticed, until a friend yanks me away from a conversation unceremoniously under the pretense of needing my help with some vague task. Even then I usually don't pick up on what kind of trainwreck they are trying to stop until they mimic the face I've just been making. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have NO IDEA why this the one social area where I'm a complete failure.**</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">However, in the interest of actually helping you out, let's consider the various situations in which you might be inclined to say, "I think you are full of shit and I'm not interested in what you have to say." Sometimes you don't need to be polite. If this is some bro at the bar, then be blunt and get out. <i>"I'm bored and I have to go now." </i>You don't owe that guy an explanation. If it's a friend or someone you genuinely like, pick a fight about what they're saying. That's always fun, especially if other people are around to uncomfortably decide whether this is a big deal or not. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Regrettably, if this is a coworker you'll be forced to mingle with every day over mediocre coffee in the break room, or some family member you're supposed to play nice with...you need to just get out and let everybody save face. Fake a super important text message or something--anything that excuses you from the situation. Tell them you're about to pee your pants. Whatever you need to do. Life is too short to listen to bullshit. (<b>Everyone just closed their internet browser</b>.) </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh, and if it's your boss--work REALLY HARD at keeping your face neutral. And if at any point you feel like you're doing such a good job at looking neutral that you want to award yourself a mental high five, you're doing it wrong. Try harder. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">**Besides my dating life. </span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-65770741939734845592013-05-30T11:35:00.000-04:002013-05-30T11:35:11.909-04:00Dear Jane Eyre...<div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,<br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've noticed among women in social situations where they are apt to met new people of the suitable gender for their romantic proclivities, if they happen to be in a relationship, this is information they will tell you early on, particularly if the beau is not in attendance. It's not overt, it's not jarring, it's just there to show everyone where they stand. "Oh yes, Peru is lovely. I went last year with my boyfriend." That sort of thing. Just slipping in a simple fact.<br /><br />I like this. I like how it says, "I am enjoying your conversation, and, in case we are reading this situation differently, I just want to let you know I'm spoken for. Let us continue talking about our common interests and having a good time." (Granted, some people wield this like a shield, bringing up their significant other every three seconds, which is a bit irritating, but understandable if they are getting a lot of unwanted attention.)<br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Men, I've found, do not do this. This is annoying. Maybe it's not all men. I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt to the male sex as a whole, but a disproportional amount of men that *I* meet and am flirting with/ passing my phone number to/ trying to ask out do not come clean with information about girlfriends until well into the conversation. A number of them don't even slip that bit of information in within the first meeting. I remember one time where I was shocked to find the gentleman in question had a fiance the whole time I'd known him, which was about nine months, and no one had informed me of this. Another time, I thought I'd been asked on an impromptu date, only to find I wasn't when he told me he was meeting his girlfriend at the movies later. Possibly my fault for misconstruing the invitation, but I still contend I should have been informed that a girlfriend existed by at least the first month in of knowing someone.<br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Is this some sort of convoluted chivalry? Are these men so sensitive to bandying a woman's good name about town that they neglect to tell me that they are in a long term relationship? Or are they dense and ill informed of social rules? Or, am *I* ill-informed and the general procedure now is to shake hands and ask, "Hello. Are you single? I just want to make sure it's ok to hit on you this evening should I feel inclined to do so." Or, and I hesitate to bring this up, are they doing this... conveniently? ("Oh, I never told you I had a girlfriend? I'm sure I did, I must have.")<br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What do you think, Bitter Amanda? Why is this happening? And what can I do about it?<br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yours truly,</span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Jane Eyre</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Jane,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If I had a dollar for every time I learned far too late in the game that a man was already in a relationship, I would be in a different tax bracket. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is so awkward! Women want to make it clear if they are in a relationship and that this is just a friendly conversation and not flirting, but they also don't want to be That Girl who can only talk about her boyfriend. But you also don't want to assume that every man who speaks to you is flirting. Most women have found a way to seamlessly introduce a significant other--generally before someone is asking for her phone number. On the flip side, single women also want to make themselves known without sounding sad or desperate--and they're pretty good at it.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Men are terrible at this. (And many other things in life, such as returning phone calls and regarding the feelings of another.) It's hard to tell if this is an intentional omission of information or just a stupid misreading of social situations. The first is unforgivable, the second is annoying. For me, the strangest part of this phenomenon is situations like not knowing someone is engaged. Your significant other shouldn't be the only thing you talk about, but how can you leave someone like that out of conversation for so long? Not a very good sign, if you ask me. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And so, Ms. Eyre, let's get to your questions. Why is this happening? I am disinclined to call it any form of chivalry. That, my dear, is dead. Nor is this situation your fault. You're allowed to flirt and you're just using the information you've been given--or not given, as the case may be. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I think the solution to this problem falls to men. (Sadly. This does not bode well for an efficient remedy.)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Men of the world, it's time to start paying attention. </b>If you are unavailable and someone is flirting with you, you have a responsibility to your significant other to make them known. You don't have to wear a big sandwich board saying "I HEART MY GIRLFRIEND" or anything. Just a quick drop of the word "girlfriend" or even a female name will do. If said with enough familiarity, most women will pick up the hint. Do this as soon as she makes physical contact with you or asks what you do on the weekends. And don't flirt back! She might not be flirting with you, but she'll appreciate the heads up. Even if you're awkward about it, and you very likely will be, at least it's out there. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If I may go down another path for a minute, I believe there is another reason women are so good at dropping their partner into conversations. It's a defense mechanism. A safety net. Very often, the only thing that stops a would-be suitor from showering a woman with affection (read: groping and sweating all over her) is the mention of another man in her life. The sad fact is that lots of men only stop unwanted attention out of respect for another man. I've had to make up boyfriends in order to get a man unwrapped from around me. It's not enough that a woman has said no or asked you to stop, which is pathetic. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">SORRY ABOUT THE UNWANTED RANT. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You keep doing what you're doing, Jane. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-22120179290425709972013-05-20T11:15:00.002-04:002013-05-20T11:16:39.273-04:00Dear Vin Diesel...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,<br /><br />I just read something for school ("...in a [labor] union as in a country, the best way to ensure internal harmony and unity is to have a state of 'war'."*) that reminded me of what an ex once told me about relationships: if you aren't fighting, you aren't talking. Are regularly combative and potentially hostile forms of communication actually healthy on a personal level?<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Not the "fist" in pacifist<br /><br />p.s. The ex and I rarely fought. Is that why we broke up? Is that ironic?<br /><br />p.p.s. Sorry about the footnote in an email. I'm a little excited about being in school again. xoxoNerd.<br /><br />*from D. Lilore, <i>The local union in public libraries</i>. (1984), p. 77 paraphrasing L.H. Fisher and G. McConnell, "Internal conflict and labor union solidarity" in K. Kornhauser, et. al. <i>Industrial conflict</i> (1954).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Vin Diesel,</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm not sure about that quote as it relates to labor unions or countries--I'd have to see more and I'm not an expert on either of those topics...unlike relationships, where I am clearly an expert--so let's focus on the part about your ex.**</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Some people don't know how to communicate or function without some level of stress. (Come to hang out with a certain branch of my family. You'll know what I mean.) Some people need that constant level of stress and adrenaline. I'm not calling it healthy or unhealthy, but I'm pointing it out. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But in a relationship? I'm going to disagree with your ex. Is arguing and having disagreements and working through them healthy? Absolutely. Work through your problems...in private, please. There is nothing more uncomfortable than witnessing a couple fight in public. It's almost worse than witnessing a couple making out in public. Almost. Rolling over and being a doormat because you'd rather avoid confrontation? Pass, thanks. But combative? Potentially hostile? That's not how I want my relationships described. (Although, my exes might disagree with that but WE WON'T ASK THEM.) There are ways to work out problems in a more...peaceful manner. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Did you and your ex break up because you never fought? I don't know. My guess would be no. I'd be more likely to suggest that you broke up because he felt combative arguments were the way to your heart. Just a hunch. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">PS--I don't mind footnotes. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">PPS--I think I've had this email for a really long time. It got lost in my inbox. Like that time my blind date had to reschedule and, I'm sure, lost my phone number. Sorry. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">**<i>Part of this sentence is a lie.</i></span></span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-25979160397167438302013-04-30T19:07:00.002-04:002013-04-30T19:08:35.545-04:00Dear Whovian...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,<br /><br />I think I received a note from Dr. Who. Can you please confirm?<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Future Companion</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk2_pVUNYfspc2t3ouYTqXLG2Al7x0KuCDuJdeCLhAdqT1hVbp1MXR3deAvzS9HuV-VQQCILQktDUytWBc-iELIjLDLIEbLIicRBDohULv_vEz3ADMVTvBfTTx5AThOcJZgtc4/s1600/note+from+the+doctor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk2_pVUNYfspc2t3ouYTqXLG2Al7x0KuCDuJdeCLhAdqT1hVbp1MXR3deAvzS9HuV-VQQCILQktDUytWBc-iELIjLDLIEbLIicRBDohULv_vEz3ADMVTvBfTTx5AThOcJZgtc4/s320/note+from+the+doctor.jpg" width="197" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Whovian,</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I assume you mean <b>Doctor</b> Who, as one doesn't abbreviate when referring to The Doctor.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, are you a future companion? Unlikely. And not just because I'm fairly certain The Doctor wouldn't leave notes on old receipts. (I'm not saying he has some fancy embossed stationary or anything--I really wouldn't know--but it's just a hunch that this note is not he he rolls.) I say no mostly because for you to be a future companion, the author of this note would have to mean what he said and follow up on it. We all know that's rather unlikely for a man, hmm? </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you believe in magic and want to save the universe, then by all means pen a missive in reply. Just don't get your hopes up that the TARDIS will show up on your front lawn. The guy didn't even provide a return address. Typical. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-2079668185288464622013-04-16T12:29:00.003-04:002013-04-16T12:29:32.044-04:00Dear Ghost Chase...<br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,<br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I think the clock on the bedside table is trying to send me a message. Can you help me interpret it?<br /><br />It's one of those cool alarm clocks that projects the time onto the ceiling which is great if you suddenly wake up in the middle of the night and want to know what time it is. But one day, I noticed that the time was suddenly 4 hours ahead. It is disorienting enough to wake up in the middle of the night and not know what time, day, or century it is because you're so groggy, but to also be fed false information? That is unacceptable!<br /><br />So I reset it to the right time, which for me is EST. And the next morning the clock was 4 hours ahead again! The clock keeps doing this, resetting itself 4 hours ahead no matter how many times I set it right. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but this is a true story. I swear!<br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Is this merely mechanical malfunction or am I receiving messages from the digital beyond (AKA, is my clock haunted)?<br /><br />Please help!<br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sincerely,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Mocked by Clock</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">p.s. Just in case you were wondering, I use the alarm on my phone to wake me up in the morning. I was not woken up at ungodly-er than normal hours by this haunted alarm clock. So if that was the clock's plan, to disturb my rest, it failed.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Ghost Chase,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Haunted. Your clock is definitely haunted. I'd do some google research on taking care of that. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Then again...it's giving you the time in western Portugal. It could be worse, you know? Maybe it's a sign. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Or...you should change the batteries. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's definitely one of the two. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-6952985749194833132013-04-10T11:31:00.003-04:002013-04-10T11:31:43.572-04:00Dear Stan...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,<br /><br />I created a board on Pinterest of all the pins I think you would like. You're welcome.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your Biggest Fan</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Stan,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">WHAT. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. That Pinterest board is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I am actually feeling positive emotions over this. You're a pretty awesome Biggest Fan. Also you might need another hobby, since you made a WWBAP board on Pinterest. Just a thought. But you're still awesome! </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Readers, I also finally understand the appeal of Pinterest. Guess who won't be getting much work done in the near future? </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-40701552449496425202013-03-18T11:27:00.000-04:002013-03-18T11:27:06.433-04:00Dear Miss Jones...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,<br /><br />I'm in a bit of a pickle. I met an attractive and interesting man a few weeks ago with a common interest. We talked for a while, and eventually exchanged information about other events that were happening. Now, I've been rather busy since then, though I had planned on contacting him this week about an event coming up, in hopes that we'd meet up and get chatting again. However, last night he may have showed up at a weekly event that I told him about, but to which I hadn't expected him to come... but then again, maybe he didn't.<br /><br />Bitter Amanda, I can't remember what he looks like.<br /><br />I know he had glasses and a beard, and was slightly taller than I am. There was a man there last night fitting that description, but was it him? I couldn't tell. I spent much of the evening sneaking furtive glances, trying to figure out if this was the same person, and being generally on the other side of the room so I wouldn't have to make conversation.<br /><br />And here's the rub: I had good time chatting with him! I wanted to see him again! But maybe I did, and didn't recognize him. Why doesn't my brain work!? If I invite him to the other event, how will I recognize him? Did I just spend the whole night ignoring him after I told him to come? O, calamity!<br /><br />I am aware at how ridiculous this sounds, especially since I did describe him as "attractive". But, Bitter Amanda, beards and glasses, two of those most distinguishing factors that you'd use to identify someone (for goodness sake, they major descriptors in the game Guess Who) are all too common these days.<br /><br />Damn hipsters. Damn them all.<br /><br />So what to do? Invite and hope that I hadn't avoided him the whole night and look like an ass? Or pretend the whole thing didn't happen, and give up befriending a quite interesting human being?<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Forgetful Jones</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Miss Jones,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You know, most cell phones these days have cameras. Next time you meet a dude, take a sneaky picture of him. Or make a mark on his neck with a Sharpie so you can identify him next time. Maybe you can get one of those pet trackers! </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In the interest of separating this man from the hipsters, and because I am mean and just want to see it happen, you need to stage some sort of elaborate plan. Invite him to whatever unironic event you're attending--but make sure you can find him this time. Are you comfortable with lying? Not like, major "I'm moving to the moon" lying, but just...a little lie. A white lie. A short work of fiction with good intentions, if you will. So..are you? If not, you'd better try another advice column. But if you <b>are </b>ok with that, then let's go. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So invite your bearded beau and talk up this event like it's really cool but you heard the weirdest thing about it! Tell him that apparently, you can't get in unless you're carrying a rubber chicken. (Still with me?) SO he walks in, rubber chicken in hand, and there you go. That's your man. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>But Amanda, won't he notice that no one else has a rubber chicken? Do I need to bring one too? What's the point of that? </b>You're getting bogged down in details--it doesn't matter why! You can be just as baffled as he is, when you tell him. You don't need one because remember, <i>that's the lie</i>. I mean, if you're really into that idea or you have one, what the hell. Throw it in your handbag. But it's really not necessary. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Right, but what about when he notices that no one else is carrying one? </b>That's not my problem. I lured your tall man there--it's your job to handle him once he walks in. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>What if he gets upset about it or refuses to go because of this plan? </b>Then he's lame and you should find another bespectacled friend. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Ok, well what if he WAS the guy at this event and I ignored him? </b>This is easy, throw it back at him. <i>Why didn't you come talk to me? </i></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>What if he shows up without a rubber chicken and we have an awkward encounter. </b><i>Oh, I hardly recognized you without your rubber chicken! </i>Simple. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Have you ever done anything like this? </b>Of course not. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>You do realize this is a terrible plan, right? </b>Yeah, but you're still reading it. You came to a blog called <i>Bitter Amanda </i>for help--I don't think you have a lot of options right now. Go with the rubber chicken. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Make sure I'm invited to the wedding. I'll tell this story and I'll try not to be mean to your bridesmaids.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">PS: I'll probably make fun of your bridesmaids. Full disclosure. </span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-83747053910341608872013-02-25T17:21:00.000-05:002013-02-25T17:21:15.649-05:00Dear Suburban Supervisor...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,<br /><br />Does this count as an early mid-life crisis?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I can't leave my husband-to-be unsupervised. I just got home from a three day weekend visiting family with my mom and I came home to find that he bought a hands free step machine, two (2) 3-lbs. hand weights, an Xbox 360 with a Kinect sensor, and an iPhone 5. The reason? He "broke up" with his gym and decided to make his own "gym" at home. He already has a punching bag downstairs from a Black Friday shopping spree and has used the step thing and hand weights while watching football this weekend (Wish I was home to see that!). Why the iPhone? 1.) He is jealous if mine, and 2.) He found an app that counts his squats. Apparently this makes it gym equipment.<br /><br />My question for you, Bitter Amanda, is should I be angry or concerned about my fiancée's impulsive buys? I'm secretly a little excited to use the Xbox, and am still laughing too much to be objective.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Bewildered in the Suburbs</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Suburban Supervisor,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm assuming that the money was not a problem here. It sounds like you're not desperately concerned about him spending it, which would have led to an entirely different response. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So. Is this an early mid-life crisis? Let's...go with yes. For selfish reasons. First of all, his shopping spree is focused on taking care of himself, so that could be a lot worse. He's not a cliched balding guy in a yellow convertible, looking straight up ridiculous. He isn't trying out skinny jeans like all the young guys in his office. An iPhone is pretty good, considering. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Second of all, he's getting this out of the way early! If this is, in fact, a mid-life (or quarter-life, or third-life, or whatever fraction) crisis, you can just cross it off the list. It's done. Before you're even married. Awesome! </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I think you're good with laughing and enjoying the fruits of his crisis. When the day comes that he announces that you should both quit your jobs, sell your house, and move to Spain because a life of leisure is really what we need!, just remind him that he used his Mid-Life Crisis card already, then <i>you </i>decide where you're moving. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-39738034989458703392013-02-18T21:51:00.003-05:002013-02-18T21:51:35.094-05:00Dear Antihistamine...<span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSlcvFTPQqUsGBauJANlENAjy555aP-dXmSCHK_DeTk4tfZAnkt04J3aKPpuy9qFkXqVYcQrhQY7tDBRFuzmtUvstG2Ex5uKR9Fuw9IdVTKkZl05TMQeIMXPNqpBZpfs6ywh1n/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSlcvFTPQqUsGBauJANlENAjy555aP-dXmSCHK_DeTk4tfZAnkt04J3aKPpuy9qFkXqVYcQrhQY7tDBRFuzmtUvstG2Ex5uKR9Fuw9IdVTKkZl05TMQeIMXPNqpBZpfs6ywh1n/s1600/photo.JPG" /></a></span></div>
<span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: black;">Constantly sniffling,<br />Lady in Love (?)</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Antihistamine,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Allergies. Very likely allergies. Take some Benadryl and we'll see you tomorrow. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-76248098660003324422013-02-13T14:32:00.000-05:002013-02-13T14:32:10.117-05:00Dear Ren McCormack...<br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am fabulously single. No attachments, no drama, but lots and lots of cool friends, including male friends who alternately treat me as "one of the guys" or "the girl" depending if we're, say, getting a beer or going dancing. I dig my lifestyle. My mother, however, does not seem to understand the coolness of my situation. There's apparently been a lot of Valentine's Day specials on morning TV and I think they are getting to her. She has repeatedly told me that I should be dating more. Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against dating. If someone asks me out, I generally say yes, because I am cool and awesome and fun loving (although there's been more than a few "is this a date?" situations. Bitter Amanda, you may want to put out a handbook on that topic.). But, it doesn't happen all that frequently, and that's fine by me. I have other ways to spend my time. My mother says, "Well, you should DO things that make them want to ask you out!" And my response to her is twofold: 1) If they haven't asked you out yet, you're not yet on their radar. And to get on their radar after the fact, most guys won't respond unless you throw yourself at them. 2) if I'm going to have to do that, why wouldn't I just ask the fool out myself? It's so much less demeaning. Mom sighs and says she just thinks I will be happier if I date more. How do I get her to realize that I am, in fact, quite happy and not bemoaning my singledom in the slightest?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Footloose and Fancy Free</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Ren McCormack,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm uncharacteristically proud to read this letter. It's so hard to be an educator and feel like you're talking to yourself, day after day, trying to help people. I mean, you hope you're getting through to someone but...</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But this! Look at you, you shining beacon of hope! Embrace your singledom! It's a fun time! You're saving SO MUCH MONEY on holidays! You're a model Single Person and I applaud you! Even more so, given that we're staring down the barrel of Valentine's Day. Fifty gold stars for you. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Forget what your mom is saying--she's probably going through Baby Fever, where she's starting to panic about not becoming a grandmother and it's happening all around her, and SHE JUST WANTS A BABY TO SNUGGLE, OK? IS THAT SO WRONG? My mom should start a support group for that. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Keep dancing and doing your thing, Ren. You're doing alright. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-88899843308996334222013-01-27T13:00:00.004-05:002013-01-27T13:00:41.809-05:00Dear Dancing Queen...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,<br /><br />I was recently at a party where the boys spent a good portion of the evening bemoaning their inability to get women. (The room, I might add had a male/female ratio of 30/70, nearly all of the women being single, so these are the bright minds we are dealing with). The most common complaint was the initial pickup on a dance floor-- specifically, how do you get a woman to dance with you? We ladies insisted it wasn't difficult, and came up with two or three good suggestions. The men refused to believe us, saying that the "sneak attack" was the most foolproof (my word for when a guy appears behind you and all of a sudden you're grinding with a perfect stranger). The women unanimously voted this down, but the men insisted this works best. Please clear this up once and for all, Bitter Amanda. What is the best and/or most consistent way for a man to get a dance partner at a club?<br /><br />Impatiently awaiting your verdict,<br />Boogaloo</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Dancing Queen,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Why are men so horrible at this? I remember a wedding not long after I graduated college, where all the women were on the dance floor, dancing with each other even for the slow songs. There was, despite what you're possibly thinking, a group of eligible men--standing off to the side of the dance floor! I had had enough, so confronted them. "Are you going to dance with us?" The bride came and backed me up--and you do not mess with a bride. "No," they answered lamely, "this isn't our song." I stood long enough, glaring at them, that they got their asses in gear and asked us to dance. AND THEY ALL HAD DANCE PARTNERS ALL NIGHT. Isn't that funny? </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ok. First of all, if you are a man reading this or you know any men in need of advice, this is the most important thing I'm going to say, possibly ever: <b>Smashing your bits up against a lady while music is playing is not considered an invitation to dance. </b>Got that? Should I repeat it? Do not dance up behind a lady and act surprised when she moves away from you. It's creepy. <i>Hey, this party is fun, dancing with my girls, good music WHOA HELLO THERE PENIS. </i>That's what goes through our minds. Sure, maybe a few women out there don't mind. Maybe we'll dance for a minute with you if we're expecting someone we know, but then once we figure out that you are not our boyfriend, we're out of there. Seriously, this is creepy. Don't let your penis do the introductions. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There are probably lots of effective ways to get a girl to dance with you. Once at a club in Ireland, I danced with this very cute boy because he came up to me while the ubiquitous "Call On Me" was playing. (Note: not "Call Me Maybe", although I also love that one. I mean<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-RJE6e5kSY" target="_blank"> this one</a>.) He mimed a phone in his hand, doing a whole "call me?" thing. It's lame but I was perhaps not sober and he was really cute. I was charmed enough to dance with him. (Then he proposed. Fun fact.) </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">That won't always work. It really only works if the song playing is about calling someone. And if you're really, really cute. But guess what? You don't need that. 95% of the time I've danced with a man, I did so because he approached me and asked if I wanted to dance. He might have introduced himself first, he might have done some flirting or tried a stupid line first, we might have already known each other. But then he asked if I wanted to dance. It's that easy. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm not kidding. It's not lame, it's not boring. Just freaking ask her. It doesn't have to sound like a formal invitation. You don't even have to be particularly good, most of the time! You just have to be willing to actually dance. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Seriously guys, stop the sneak attack on the dance floor. It's weird. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-45541486509426792162013-01-25T12:26:00.001-05:002013-01-25T12:26:17.571-05:00Dear Chocolate Guardian...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,<br /><br />I found a bar of dark chocolate a the bottom of a paper grocery bag that I was going to use for recycling. Not only did I find unexpected chocolate, I saved it from certain recycled doom! Hurray for me! I am a hero!<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Sweet Avenger</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Chocolate Guardian,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You, my friend, are most certainly a hero. This is worthy of the highest of praise. I could not be more proud. (Well...I mean I probably could but I don't have the time to think of another scenario, so let's let you have you moment in the sun. It's Friday and I'm feeling generous. Anyway, back to you, Champ!) </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You've done the world a favor. Actually, two, you little recycler you! Which is probably why the universe rewarded you with some bonus dark chocolate. Karma can be a beautiful thing. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34242242.post-89581682089734991972013-01-13T17:04:00.001-05:002013-01-13T17:04:34.148-05:00Dear Jane Banks...<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Bitter Amanda,</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I was just wanted to say thank you for coming into my dream last night and giving me the business.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I had a dream in which I was trying to get back with my ex-boyfriend. In real life we were together and then broke up and then 5 months later got back together. Not surprisingly we broke up again 8 months later.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In my dream I was trying to sneak away out the back door of a house with him to go and make out. Then I turned around (in my dream) and you were standing there. Shaking your head and glaring at me.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Then I woke up. Thanks for keeping dream me on track. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">With much respect,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Nightmare Nancy </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Jane Banks, </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">That is awesome. I didn't think I would ever be excited that I showed up in someone's dream (because hello, creepy) but I'm actually psyched about it. Mostly because it sounds like I was the Mary Poppins you needed. <b>AND I AM TOTALLY OK WITH THAT. </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, let's talk about this guy for a second. Not to sound like a self-help book or anything, but there's a reason you broke up, (True story: I read a book titled<i> "It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken."</i>) Sometimes you break up because of life reasons that really don't have anything to do with the relationship itself. If you thought he merited a second chance, then do what you have to do.</span></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>However</i>. Two tries, two break-ups...a third try would be foolish. Which you know, otherwise Dream Me wouldn't have been silently judging Dream You. I'm just glad you figured it out. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Solitarily yours,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bitter Amanda</span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0