Dear Bitter Amanda,
So I've been busy and stressed out lately - working until 6, 7, and even 9:30. I haven't even had time to call or email my friends. (Admittedly, that's ridiculous, and I'm a bit of an ass for not even tipping my hat in their vague directions.) But back to me... last night, I went to sleep late again, and all I wanted was a few hours of blissful sleep and maybe a nice dream or two. Well, let me tell you, what I got was a doozie about all of the losers I've ever "dated". How do I kick my subconscious in the ass?
The Nightmare Queen
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
If your friends are remotely awesome, and something tells me that they are, they will understand that work is a bitch. At least you’re not ignoring them in favor of some fling. Because, as we are all aware, that is a despicable, obnoxious habit. And I would tell you (in a beat of my withered, hardened heart) if you were doing that.
I’ve kept your letter at the top of my pile for a few days now, hoping some wisdom would come to me. No such luck. So, because I hate to keep you waiting for so long, I will use my college essay method and fake it.
Try to clear your head before you sleep, sunshine. Something mindless. I like puzzles or catching up on my celebrity gossip. (Shut up.) Drink some cocoa. (Because I feel somewhat incomplete when I give advice without mentioning chocolate.)
And if you happen to figure out a foolproof way to get losers out of your head, please let me know. We can write a book and split the profits.