Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Dear Whovian...

Dear Bitter Amanda,

I think I received a note from Dr. Who. Can you please confirm?

Future Companion

Dear Whovian,
I assume you mean Doctor Who, as one doesn't abbreviate when referring to The Doctor.

So, are you a future companion? Unlikely. And not just because I'm fairly certain The Doctor wouldn't leave notes on old receipts. (I'm not saying he has some fancy embossed stationary or anything--I really wouldn't know--but it's just a hunch that this note is not he he rolls.) I say no mostly because for you to be a future companion, the author of this note would have to mean what he said and follow up on it. We all know that's rather unlikely for a man, hmm? 

If you believe in magic and want to save the universe, then by all means pen a missive in reply. Just don't get your hopes up that the TARDIS will show up on your front lawn. The guy didn't even provide a return address. Typical. 
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Dear Ghost Chase...

Dear Bitter Amanda,
I think the clock on the bedside table is trying to send me a message. Can you help me interpret it?

It's one of those cool alarm clocks that projects the time onto the ceiling which is great if you suddenly wake up in the middle of the night and want to know what time it is. But one day, I noticed that the time was suddenly 4 hours ahead. It is disorienting enough to wake up in the middle of the night and not know what time, day, or century it is because you're so groggy, but to also be fed false information? That is unacceptable!

So I reset it to the right time, which for me is EST. And the next morning the clock was 4 hours ahead again! The clock keeps doing this, resetting itself 4 hours ahead no matter how many times I set it right. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but this is a true story. I swear!
Is this merely mechanical malfunction or am I receiving messages from the digital beyond (AKA, is my clock haunted)?

Please help!
Mocked by Clock

p.s. Just in case you were wondering, I use the alarm on my phone to wake me up in the morning. I was not woken up at ungodly-er than normal hours by this haunted alarm clock. So if that was the clock's plan, to disturb my rest, it failed.

Dear Ghost Chase,

Haunted. Your clock is definitely haunted. I'd do some google research on taking care of that. 

Then again...it's giving you the time in western Portugal. It could be worse, you know? Maybe it's a sign. 

Or...you should change the batteries. 

It's definitely one of the two. 
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Dear Stan...

Dear Bitter Amanda,

I created a board on Pinterest of all the pins I think you would like. You're welcome.

Your Biggest Fan

Dear Stan,
WHAT. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. That Pinterest board is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I am actually feeling positive emotions over this. You're a pretty awesome Biggest Fan. Also you might need another hobby, since you made a WWBAP board on Pinterest. Just a thought. But you're still awesome! 

Readers, I also finally understand the appeal of Pinterest. Guess who won't be getting much work done in the near future? 
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda