Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Dear Numbers...

Dear Bitter Amanda,

Today, I overheard a conversation where a woman said that she had only two and a half boyfriends all her life. I'm kind of smart but I can't figure out how someone dates half a person. Please explain.

Math-is-hard Barbie

Dear Numbers,
That half boyfriend is probably someone she dated while she studied abroad and after she returned home she never saw him. Despite any feelings she had for him and what they told Facebook, he didn't really count as a boyfriend because they didn't have to go through the motions of a relationship. That sort of thing. They slept together and she feels weird leaving him off her list.
I guess it could be a matter of a short man? Or a guy missing a testicle? But those seem rather petty--and trust me, I've been there and I would not call them half men.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

Monday, November 07, 2011

Dear Minimum Payne...

Dear BA,

A woman that's broken my heart twice in the last six months wants back into my life and I want her back even though I know it will likely end badly.

What do I do?

-Max Payne

Dear Minimum Payne,
I think we both know what you're going to do. You said it yourself. You just want someone else to say it's ok so you feel justified. You want someone to tell you you're not crazy. Sorry, but that won't be me--the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly while looking for a different outcome.
You're a grown up. Do what you want to do--just don't be surprised if twice turns into three times. I will definitely be here with an "I told you so."
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda