Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Dear Robin...

Dear Bitter Amanda,
I've been on two dates with someone lovely this week. Life just happened work out for a few short days between the time I found out he was newly single and the time when we will have to part company due to one of us moving away. Things are brilliantly new, sudden, and fleeting. Because of these circumstances, I am more likely to do things I wouldn't otherwise. This can be a good and a bad thing as you will soon see.
We went for happy hour on our last outing: pitchers and wings, for we are classy people. After several hours of brilliant banter and drinking, he cut himself off from beer since he was driving. Being a gentleman, he offered me a ride home, as well as the remainder of our pitcher. "Thank you," I said. "I would love a ride home, but I couldn't possibly finish the beer. Just half a glass more for me."
Half an hour later, while my companion sat serenely sipping his water, I was quite surprised to find the pitcher empty. I babbled without reservation about his likeness to various actors and cartoons, until he mentioned it was midnight, and perhaps we should go home. We managed to leave the establishment without incident, knocking over only one glass upon my rising from the table. We took a circuitous route to my residence, as I attempted to help him navigate the six city blocks with their complex grid-like structure. Arriving at my destination, I thanked him with a peck on the cheek, to which he replied "woo!" as I bolted from the car. I may or may not have said "Run away, run away!"
In the sober light of day, I can't help feeling a bit embarrassed. There is no persona I hate more than that of Drunk Girl, and would hate to think I offended or annoyed such an outstanding gentleman by simply ensuring none of the ale he purchased went to waste. Worse, upon further reflection, "woo!" seems to pick up vastly different nuanced meanings the more I think about it. Is it "Woo! What the hell was that about?!" Or merely, "Woo! You are tipsy, my dear girl, but I will allow this just this once." Or even, "Woo! I was not expecting that, but I liked it." Or perhaps, "Woo! She totally just ran out of the car like I was going to eat her."
Bitter Amanda, I defer to your wisdom. In this context, what does "woo!" mean, and what does it hold for future rendez-vous?
-In cervisia, loquacitatem

Dear Robin,
Woo? Really, woo? What, did this date happen on the pages of a comic book?? Did his eyes bug out of his head and turn into hearts, too? Was your date Batman? That is not an appropriate reaction to a girl kissing you on the cheek! Particularly without any further explanation. As far as I'm concerned, gentlemen, the only wooing on a date should consist of you bringing flowers and the like. Not the actual word. Unless your date's band just finished playing an awesome song. OR SOME OTHER SITUATION WHEN A WOO IS CONSIDERED ACCEPTABLE.
This is so perfectly male, I can't even tell you. Rather than dealing with his emotions in an adult way (or even a coherent way) he resorts to cartoon bubble-esque responses to the situation. In reality, his woo likely means what so many things do, coming from the mouths of men. "I don't know what I want." Let's be serious--do they ever? Men do not know what they want in relationships. They only figure it out once someone else tells them or makes it impossible for them to have it.
This is a puzzling situation for me, and not just because of Archie's strange exclamation. Maybe I got some of the facts wrong. He's single, you're leaving the area, you were drinking together? And he's lovely? And yet...somehow...you didn't end up making out? Because I have to tell you, that's the outcome I'd have put my money on. But I'd have been wrong. Instead, he wooed and now you get to find the boy translation for that. How thoughtful.
So, do you have a future? Well, I don't think "woo!" is entirely bad, so what the hell? See him again. Just put a moratorium on anything that could be considered a sound effect. If he does anything of the sort, you have my full permission to respond in Batman cartoon words. See his woo! and raise him a POW or ZAP.
Then we'll see how outstanding this gentleman really is.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda