Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Dear Black Belt...

Bitter Amanda,
What are your thoughts on this: you're on a date with someone you've recently met, and within the first five minutes he states "you'll probably find that I have more respect for you than you have for yourself."
My immediate response was "fuck you "(which he thought was cute and funny). But you barely know me, and you're already making assumptions about the level of respect I have for myself? And you're so amazingly awesome that you're going to shower me with the tons of respect that I lack? As a followup, I was compared to a majority of the women he's dated in the past, who've all had really low self esteem and made lots of self-deprecating comments about themselves, like "OMG, I'm so fat!" 
So... you're a player (because the word "majority" does not come up in a discussion of women you've dated if there hasn't been a shit-ton), you just compared me to all the previous women (way to make you're current date feel special), and you're insinuating that I'm fat? Why else would you be expecting the fat comments at any minute?
I finished the date out, mostly because I know I have a tendency to write people off without giving them a chance. But after that respect comment I was done, and really have no desire to see him again. Am I overreacting, or is a comment like that a red flag? 
~Tired of People Who Are Full of Themselves
ps. Another thing that pissed me off, which has me convinced his ego needs deflating. We also had a disagreement about martial arts; he doesn't believe the martial arts have to be violent, they are only violent if you *perceive* them to be. Lets look past that the point that the "martial" part of martial arts is built right into the name. My twenty years of experience in multiple fields and two black belts could not change his mind that martial arts are violent. Why was he not convinced? Because his undergrad degree was in sports and recreation. He is a professional game player for a living. My takeaway from that conversation: "my experience is more relevant than yours, and I'm not open to any viewpoints but my own."  Gag.

Dear Black Belt,
Damn, girl. I'm impressed you didn't sneak out the bathroom window during this date. This guy is basically one big red flag. Respect for sticking it out, knowing you write people off. 
Here's my opinion on dating new people, which ultimately may be an unpopular one. Go with your gut. If you sat with this guy and thought, "What an insufferable douchebag," then he's probably not Prince Charming. Another woman somewhere with less self-respect than you will probably find his level of douche charming enough and allow herself to put up with it. However, that doesn't mean you have to be that girl. 
Going out with these losers is horrible, sure, but you never know. Doesn't hurt to meet them. Life experiences, good stories, character building, blah blah blah. I personally like that you all write me letters about them.  But when you get that Red Flag Feeling it's cool to write him off. 

Don't worry about the gym teacher. Let him bore someone else.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Dear Oscar...

Dear Bitter Amanda,

I found a post it note! Is it yours?

The Garbage Collector

Dear Oscar, 
I don't have any frogs! Although I have tried to awkwardly transition an unwelcome "I love you" into a high-fiving-because-we're-buddies-pretend-that-never-happened situation. I can see how you'd be confused. 
Props to this kid. 
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

Monday, October 15, 2012

Dear Girl...

Dear Bitter Amanda,

A good friend of mine recently moved away. I'm fairly certain he won't keep in touch with me because he's a StupidBoy™. This makes me sad. Any advice?

-Wendy Moira Angela Darling

Dear Girl,
Many boys are horrible when it comes to maintaining long-distance contact. (Many people in general are horrible at this, but that's not your question.) There are multiple enigmatic men like this in my life--when they show up, you are the center of their attention and you remember All The Reasons You Are Friends. But they often don't show up and don't return phone calls and you just kind of stop worrying. You send texts and figure they'll end up in the void but at least you tried.
I like to make a lot of effort early on and then when I finally get ahold of them, make them feel guilty for not returning my love and affection. It's a time-honored tradition. I've got a pretty good return rate on those guilt trips.
Unless...nagging isn't your style? (I don't understand this.) I guess you could go the way of emails and Facebook messages. Friendship is a two-way street, though, so be sure to take care of yourself. If you feel like you're the only one it in, there's no rule saying you have to stay friends with everyone forever. Let him have his adventures with Tinkerbell, the slut. You deserve better. 
(There's also the possibility that your friendship will fade into an annual hookup, so, you know...there's always that. ...Just me? Anyone? Oh. OVERSHARE MONDAY.)
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

Saturday, October 06, 2012

Dear Target Audience...

Dear Bitter Amanda,

My Spam folder is hilarious. Not only is it clogged with offers for deals on Viagra and penis enlargement, I regularly get offers from a variety of online dating services: Match, eHarmony, Christian Mingle, Black People Meet, Asian Singles, and Cougar Dating.

How exactly am I on the marketing radar for any of these things?

SWF, 29

Dear Target Audience,
Obviously your friends think you are pathetic and gave your email address to all those dating sites. Maybe you should take the hint.

Can't explain the penis enlargement bit, though. That's just...what the internet is for, really. 
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda