Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Dear Clarabelle...

Dear Bitter Amanda--
While struggling to engage my dearest in a game of footsie, I started to wonder why boys always make the girl do all the work. It seems more often than not they sit there like disinterested cows while the girl struggles to charm the pants off the boy in question with her flirtations and feminine wiles. After a few days/weeks/months of batting your freaking eyelashes to an ignorant bovine stare, you start feeling like a whore. What gives? And what can be done?

50 Winks and No Bed

Dear Clarabelle,
What gives, you ask? Boys are stupid. That's what gives. They don't put in the effort required to make women recognize when they are trying, so they clearly cannot see when someone does. It's either that, or they DO know and are playing some pathetic game of "how long WILL she bat her eyelashes my way?" to feel better about themselves and boost their precious ego. (Sidenote, boys: If you are, you need to stop right now. Because we're very Twisted Sister about this issue, and if you're messing with our heads we are not going to take it anymore. You'll miss out entirely.)
Sadly, most guys are clueless , oblivious messes when it comes to your attention. They don't do subtle and they can't understand it. You're going to have to either set your sights higher or make your attraction more obvious. I'm talking about in his face, "I WANT TO KISS YOU" obvious. And girl double-talk confuses them, so try to avoid that. You can't say, "I like you. I mean, I LIKE YOU like you." He'll just look lost, scratch his head/balls/both, order another beer, and ogle some other woman. Use small, common words and simple sentence structure. Remember who you're dealing with, after all. It's not ideal, but at least he'll finally understand.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda


Anonymous said...

So on the nose, BA. xoxosp

Amanda said...

Dear SP,
I kind of love you. Platonically, of course.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda