Monday, July 28, 2008

Dear Bad Mommy...

Dear Bitter Amanda,

So I've been dealing with some health issues. And according to my doctor, the best treatment option is getting knocked up.
No, seriously. The first thing my doctor said to me was "pregnancy would clear this right up." And I do see certain benefits to this option: 1. lots of getting laid (the condition is also a leading cause of infertility... so lots and lots of sex would clearly need to be involved) 2. nine months without a period 3. i love food, and I'll be eating for two! 4. condition goes away.
The only problem I'm seeing so far is that pregnancy usually leads to infants. Which I'm not so ready for.
The problem is, my doctor doesn't seem to understand this. Everytime I go in, she's asking me about when I plan on popping one out. ACK! How does one convince their doctor they aren't ready to have an eating/crying/pooping machine come bursting out of their vagina?

~Not Ready for Parenthood

Dear Bad Mommy,
I don't have to do a google search to assure you that your assumption is correct. Pregnancy does usually lead to babies.
As for letting your doctor know that you're not exactly ready to buy a carseat and a Gymboree membership, I'd say you could use the last line of your letter. Anyone who describes the miracle of birth as, and I quote, "having an eating/crying/pooping machine come bursting out of their vagina" is clearly not ready to be a mother. No self-respecting medical professional would encourage parenthood to someone with that kind of attitude.
Just go get some and eat a lot of pie. You'll like that more.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

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