Sunday, April 19, 2009


"My view is that very few human beings on this earth can resist the almighty compliment of their instruction being sought. The implication is, you prostrate your lowly self before their greater wisdom. People love that."

--Being Committed, by Anna Maxted

Friday, April 17, 2009

Dear National Inquirer...

Dear Bitter Amanda,

What if I started greeting my guy friends with "Hey there, studly."?

Inquiring Mind

Dear National Inquirer,
Their heads would increase to the size of parade floats and you’d be forced to deal with the egomaniacal behavior of a man who believes he is extremely good looking until the end of time. Be advised, this is not in your best interest.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Dear Lance Armstrong...

Dear Bitter Amanda,

Today I was thinking about that saying, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle," and I was thinking about this t-shirt that has this really happy fish with his brand new bicycle and his parents looking on... He may not need that bike, but gosh darn it if he isn't enjoying it. I contemplated this and came up with the following: I don't have a man, but I do have a bicycle. I don't ride it very often because, well, I just don't feel like riding a bicycle all the time, but I have lots of fun taking it out once in a while. Also, the brakes don't work very well, and I like to be able to stop. Anyway, it occurred to me that I would like the same things from a man that I would like from my bicycle namely, 1) when I'm in the mood, they should entertain me, and 2) they should always have properly working brakes. So, do you think that the quote has been misinterpreted all these years? Have I hit upon the true intended meaning? It's quite deep, don't you think?

Zen and the Art of Bicycle Maintenance

Dear Lance Armstrong,
I have never appreciated the whole fish/bicycle saying. I’m not one to side with men, but I think it is a trifle unfair to their gender. I won’t comment on the intended meaning of the saying itself, since I haven’t done the proper legwork. (Nor do I intend to. I’m an advisor, not an investigative journalist, kids.) I like your take on it, though. Standards are important in both transportation and potential mates.
I prefer to think of the saying in other terms. Rather than a fish needing a bicycle, I like to think of a woman needing a man like she needs a new handbag. She’s fine without it, and it certainly doesn’t serve any purpose she can’t handle herself. Sometimes they’re more of a hassle—you have to keep track of it and make sure it’s not out of place at your destination. Handbags are useful at times and good to have around, and they can definitely improve an outfit if chosen wisely. But, I repeat, she’s fine without it!
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

PS— [Fish shirt:]