Sunday, April 01, 2012

Dear Restless...

Dear Bitter Amanda,

I have a bit of a delicate roommate situation. Not long ago, my flatmate and her boyfriend broke up, loudly, between the hours of 10 pm and 2 am. Then they spent the hours between 3 am and 8 am getting back together, right on the other side of the wall of where my bed is. A bit irritating, but love is harsh sometimes, sometimes things must be done, and I can deal with one night of disturbed sleep. However, since then, they seem to be, eh... enjoying each other's company rather more enthusiastically than they used to. Unfortunately, my room is laid out stupidly, and there's no other place for my bed. It wouldn't matter, anyway, since one can enjoy their dulcet tones in the hall as well. In addition to keeping me up and making me sleep upside down on my bed with a pillow over my head, this also makes conversations about mundane things with my other roommate rather awkward. There's nothing quite like asking someone where they put the mail while trying to ignore the symphony of love emanating from the other side of the apartment. There doesn't seem to be much of a schedule except "all night on weekends when I want to sleep" and " in the middle of the day".  Any ideas on how to cope? (And please don't say "the best revenge is living well". Ahem. I would if I could, dear. I would if I could...)

No Rest for the Weary

Dear Restless,
I spent a year of college living down the hall from a girl who had a lot of loud sex. Like, a lot. There didn't seem to be a reliable schedule, unless you count "whenever my parents are visiting" as a schedule. It was super annoying, and I totally feel your pain. I'm an advocate of getting yours, but the sounds of someone getting theirs when you yourself are not is a special kind of torture. However, I also like to keep my relations private and am fairly mortified by getting caught even kissing someone. (Has nothing to do with the gentleman, mind you.) Given that fun fact and all the sex I'm NOT having, I'd probably make a fantastic roommate. 
But. You have a roommate. And a roommate situation. I doubt you'll be able to reason with her. People with this sort of sex life aren't usually terribly concerned that you can hear them. It's certainly worth a conversation, if you think it'll go well. The fact that you're writing to me about this suggests that perhaps it won't go well. Am I right? 
Well, Sleepless, until you can get your revenge (I wish you the best of luck there) then I suggest having fun with it. Treat it like a science experiment. Keep a log on the fridge. Hey, maybe you can get a grant and turn this into some sort of research project. Weirder studies have been performed, trust me. Rate their performance, Olympics style. Leave them some helpful feedback and suggestions. "4. That took longer than average--problems today?" "9. Did somebody learn a new move?" "2. Sounded fake--trouble in paradise?" 
Also, invest in some good quality headphones. Good luck. 
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

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