An open letter to Bruno Mars:
Dear Douchebag,
I thought it was creepy and stalkerish when you said you'd take catch a grenade, step in front of a train, take a bullet right through the brain. FYI - girls don't find violent desperation attractive. That girl probably wasn't willing to do the same for you because she was terrified of you, you creepy POS.
And now you're proposing to a girl by starting off with "lets look for something dumb to do?" And then you follow it up with "I THINK I want to marry you." So... its a dumb idea and you're realllly not sure anyway? And you admit that you're drunk, and you're ok if she breaks up with you in the AM... dude WTF? Isn't marriage 'til death do you part,' and not 'til this hangover goes away'? And do you even love this woman? Are you really willing to spend the rest of your life with her? Its cuz of shitheads like you the divorce rate is sky-high.
If you were trying to be romantic, you failed miserably. And you're teaching young impressionable people that its ok to get drunk and do stupid shit that actually have lifelong consequences. I shake my fist at you, sir.
~
DoUsAllAFavorAndStayHomeAndDontDoAnythingAnymoreBrunoMars
Dear Favor,
I...I don't even have a reply. I'm pretty psyched about this. Thanks for sharing your angry feelings!
Coincidentally, I have recently added this Bruno Mars song to my personal list of "Unacceptable Proposals That Guarantee a No Answer." In case anyone was looking to propose.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda
