Dear Bitter Amanda,
I just read something for school ("...in a [labor] union as in a country, the best way to ensure internal harmony and unity is to have a state of 'war'."*) that reminded me of what an ex once told me about relationships: if you aren't fighting, you aren't talking. Are regularly combative and potentially hostile forms of communication actually healthy on a personal level?
Not the "fist" in pacifist
p.s. The ex and I rarely fought. Is that why we broke up? Is that ironic?
p.p.s. Sorry about the footnote in an email. I'm a little excited about being in school again. xoxoNerd.
*from D. Lilore, The local union in public libraries. (1984), p. 77 paraphrasing L.H. Fisher and G. McConnell, "Internal conflict and labor union solidarity" in K. Kornhauser, et. al. Industrial conflict (1954).
Dear Vin Diesel,
I'm not sure about that quote as it relates to labor unions or countries--I'd have to see more and I'm not an expert on either of those topics...unlike relationships, where I am clearly an expert--so let's focus on the part about your ex.**
Some people don't know how to communicate or function without some level of stress. (Come to hang out with a certain branch of my family. You'll know what I mean.) Some people need that constant level of stress and adrenaline. I'm not calling it healthy or unhealthy, but I'm pointing it out.
But in a relationship? I'm going to disagree with your ex. Is arguing and having disagreements and working through them healthy? Absolutely. Work through your problems...in private, please. There is nothing more uncomfortable than witnessing a couple fight in public. It's almost worse than witnessing a couple making out in public. Almost. Rolling over and being a doormat because you'd rather avoid confrontation? Pass, thanks. But combative? Potentially hostile? That's not how I want my relationships described. (Although, my exes might disagree with that but WE WON'T ASK THEM.) There are ways to work out problems in a more...peaceful manner.
Did you and your ex break up because you never fought? I don't know. My guess would be no. I'd be more likely to suggest that you broke up because he felt combative arguments were the way to your heart. Just a hunch.
PS--I don't mind footnotes.
PPS--I think I've had this email for a really long time. It got lost in my inbox. Like that time my blind date had to reschedule and, I'm sure, lost my phone number. Sorry.
**Part of this sentence is a lie.