Thursday, November 13, 2008

Dear Risky Business...

Dear Bitter Amanda,

When I mentioned to my male friends that my roommate would be away for a few weeks, the first conclusion they came to (each independently) was "Awesome. That means you don't have to wear pants!" This had not occurred to me as a "benefit" of having no roommate. (My first thought was, "Ooo, I can play my guitar really loud.") I recall other conversations with many of these friends that have started, "So I got home, took my pants off..." and "I was walking around my kitchen in my boxers the other day..." and other phrases to the effect that clothes explode off their bodies as soon as they cross the threshold of their home. I've found this trend crosses the many boundaries of nationality, religion, politics, economics, you name it, however it seems to be confined to the male gender.

I have several questions for you, Bitter Amanda:

1) Why do men think the first and best perk about not having a roommate is that I can walk around pantsless?
2) Why do they hate pants? I mean, society puts so much emphasis on "wearing the pants", and they go pulling them off as soon as the door shuts behind them. (Hopefully they wait until the door shuts behind them...). Could this be symbolic? Are they throwing off the shackles of the patriarchy?
3) If it is symbolic-- or even if it isn't, I suppose-- do you think I could get more of them to wear kilts? That would be hot.

Amelia Bloomer

Dear Risky Business,
Ah, men. How I adore this kind of information. Just when we, as women, think that we've learned all the bizarre twists and turns in a man's personality...this. They come out with something we haven't heard yet.
In this situation, I can merely speculate about their motives. (I trust that even if polled, the men themselves would have no more logical an answer than I do.) The desire to be sans pants might come from some primal, caveman-like urge deep inside. (For some, not so deep.) Often, when I'm around men in suits (which does not happen as frequently as I'd like) they complain about feeling constricted by their duds, pulling at ties like they were slowly tightening of their own accord to strangle a well-dressed man. (FYI, guys, the tie isn't trying to kill you. Suck it up.) I suspect that the suits are just the tip of the iceberg. From your experiences, I'm guessing that guys just don't like feeling held down. Particularly by textiles.
As for your query about symbolism...well, that's a different story. As much as I would like to think they are, indeed, rejecting the shackles of patriarchy, I suspect that's giving them too much credit. You know how guys complain about women reading into everything? Because at the heart of it, men are really saying what they mean? Well...I think they just like to walk around in their undies. It's a spectacular notion, a nod to solidarity and the end of male dominance. Alas, they don't quite have it in them. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Kilts are wonderful things. Let us appeal to the vain, show-offy side of men and let them know we simply adore a man in a kilt. Anything the ladies love will be tried by at least a few of them. Success by the few will inevitably lead to more sheep joining the herd. Best of luck.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda


Bob Hague said...

One thing I have always wondered about is shirtless guys. I think there must be a shirtless gene that some males inherit. If there is in fact a shirtless gene, my buddy Mike has it. He helped me move a couch to my 4th floor apartment one summer and as soon as we set it down, his shirt was off and his sweaty body was relaxing on the couch. As long as it is not very cold, and if he is not in a very public place, his shirt is off.

Amanda said...

What IS that?? I can understand the shirtless phenomenon when women are around--you're showing off. You work out, WE GET IT. (Also, thanks.)
But your friend Mike? I don't get it. Maybe he's trying to impress you. Lucky!