Dear Cher...

Dear BA,

This is life, I'm totally clueless how to stop a girl who is interested in me. All my successes in the past have been been blind luck. You're a girl, right? What are the top ten signs a girl would give a guy to let him know, covertly, she is interested in him. You know. The signs that all guys probably miss 9 out of 10 times.

- Legally Blind


Dear Cher,
Ok...so you might be totally clueless on girls, but I'm totally clueless on how to answer your letter. I'm not sure if it's a typo or if you just don't know what you want--either way, I wouldn't be terribly surprised. I've had to read this a couple times. And...well, I'm still not entirely certain if I should tell you how to STOP a girl who is interested or how to SPOT a girl who is interested. The rest of your letter indicates that it's the latter. So...I'm gonna go with that. Oh, and thanks for noticing that I'm a girl. Well done, sir.
Covertly, you say? As if the things women have to do are at all subtle! We tried subtle, a hundred years ago, but you guys kept missing it and thinking we had something in our eye. We had to step it up. A lot. You say your past successes were blind luck? No. They. Weren't. You were successful because the woman involved was successful. Guys, honestly...it's like you're waiting for a lapdance to know we're attracted to you! (Hint: do not hold your breath on that one.) You're looking for a checklist; for me to do the work for you. Not likely, my friend. It's not like that--and also, there are some things I just can't divulge. A girl has to have some tricks up her sleeve.
The main thing you need to know in this situation is that women emphasize that it's YOU we're interested in. We talk to you more than anyone else around, we text you, we want to know about your life. We make sure we're facebook friends. We remember things you've talked about, we position ourselves near you. We have to exaggerate everything so you'll notice! In the end, we all but end up asking ourselves out. (Because we told you we were dying to see that movie we talked about and we let you know that we don't work on Saturdays.) If you think a woman might be doing something intentionally, or playing some sort of game, she probably is. We're very good at this. Don't worry, just keep your eyes open and don't overthink it. That's our job.

Remember, kids: spell check doesn't catch real words. Let's proofread.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda