Thursday, November 12, 2009

Dear Carousel...

Dear Bitter Amanda,


This dating thing sucks balls. I'm nervous all of the time. Self-conscious. Giddy. Unsure. Self-doubting. Questioning. And awesomely happy. And then all kinds of confused. And depressed. And super excited. Up and down more times than an EKG.

I think I might throw up.

Remind me not to do it again.


Entirely Bipolar

Dear Carousel,
Gross. I'm going to throw up. This was not the kind of letter I anticipated. I thought you were angry. But you're not! You mention some negative emotions, all of which can and should be associated with dating. But...I don't sense any real anger here. I think you're just upset because a good date sends people into emotional turmoil! And that means you had a good date.
So. Do you know what that means, princess? Shut up. I bet you're feeling insecure because he hasn't called in the 46.2 hours since you saw him. You think he had a bad time. But then you review it mentally...and that's just not possible! It was a great date! Why hasn't he called? Oh, because he doesn't want to seem eager and freak you out because he had a great time, too!
Gag. Really, this is disgusting.
I WILL caution you against doing this again! I'll warn everyone! I'm like U2 over here throwing out the warnings! But you won't listen. You'll listen to me until he calls you and you have some nauseating exchange and make plans for coffee tomorrow afternoon. Blech.
I'm disappointed.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda


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