Monday, February 01, 2010

Dear Crusher...

Dear Bitter Amanda,
There is this boy I like. He smells good. And I've been getting mixed signals from him.
Turns out that when I met him he was single, but then shortly thereafter had a girlfriend. When he told me he had a girlfriend, it felt like an "I am interested in you... but I was waiting to see if this other thing would work out first."
FML. I rarely fall for people, and this is crushing my soul.
~Crushed and Crushing at the Same Time

Dear Crusher,
A boy who smells good is like a lily of the valley. You see a lily of the valley and it's this lovely little flower and it reminds you of your grandmother's garden and picking them to put in a juice glass to take home**. It's all very warm and fuzzy, right? But let me tell you a little something about lily of the valley: they're poisonous. You don't want to tangle with the lily of the valley; they are deceivers. (And by "tangle with" I mean eat. Just so you know.) It's a trap! You'll regret it.
Where was I? Oh, right. Men who smell good. That scent is there to attract you and make you feel the warm and fuzzies. (Blech.) But don't be fooled by this--it's another trap!! Sooner or later, they're going to start with the disappointment and bullshit.
Your man there, the one keeping his options open? His behavior is just...lame. It's not despicable, although you're totally justified in thinking really mean things about him and also his new girlfriend. He's just a clueless jerk who didn't think about anyone but himself. Predictable. He sucks, and you're better off.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

**Shut up I never did that.

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