Saturday, February 13, 2010

Dear Ebenezer Scrooge...

Dear Bitter Amanda,
Why does Valentine's Day matter? And when did it become the new Christmas? Am I really expected to get my boyfriend, my mom, my dad, etc presents?
Celebrationally Challenged

Dear Ebenezer Scrooge,
Valentine's Day doesn't matter. In the grand scheme of things, Valentine's Day really ought to register as a mere blip and nothing more. A tiny snag in the tapestry of life. Or whatever.
However, anyone who has set foot in a Target recently (and by recently I mean since December 27th) knows that isn't true.
Some people try to pass Valentine's Day off as "a holiday for everybody! It's a celebration of love!" (Mom and Dad, I'm looking at you.) But we all know the emphasis is really more on Significant Others. Nobody in a jewelry commercial is handing their sister a diamond pendant. (...I really hope those aren't siblings, anyway.) It is a Romantic Holiday.
But! Then! Someone at Hallmark or Whitman's or another purveyor of glittery heart wares realized what they were missing! An untapped market! And so Valentine's Day went from a Hateful Romantic Holiday to Christmas Redux (But Mostly for Couples and Way Less Fun).
[I have no idea how it went, but I like to imagine it went a lot like that, and all the bigwigs were cold, unfeeling men twirling their sinister black moustaches as dollar signs flashed in their eyes like a cartoon.]
Yeah, you should probably do a present or card or something for your boyfriend. It's the done thing, I suppose. Blech. But parents? Absolutely not. I buy my parents presents for their birthdays and Christmas. Mother's Day and Father's Day also require gifts. And my parents' anniversary is the only one I remember and buy a card for. That is a lot of presents! I will not add Valentine's Day to that list--it's time to take a stand. Join me! (This year my parents will get a greeting of "Yeah, whatever," when they wish me a happy Valentine's Day. And they're lucky to get it!)
Let's keep Valentine's Day what it was meant to be--a detestable, lonely holiday where people get unnecessarily sentimental and nostalgic.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

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