Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Dear Ren McCormack...

Dear Bitter Amanda,
I am fabulously single. No attachments, no drama, but lots and lots of cool friends, including male friends who alternately treat me as "one of the guys" or "the girl" depending if we're, say, getting a beer or going dancing. I dig my lifestyle. My mother, however, does not seem to understand the coolness of my situation. There's apparently been a lot of Valentine's Day specials on morning TV and I think they are getting to her. She has repeatedly told me that I should be dating more. Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against dating. If someone asks me out, I generally say yes, because I am cool and awesome and fun loving (although there's been more than a few "is this a date?" situations. Bitter Amanda, you may want to put out a handbook on that topic.).  But, it doesn't happen all that frequently, and that's fine by me. I have other ways to spend my time. My mother says, "Well, you should DO things that make them want to ask you out!" And my response to her is twofold: 1) If they haven't asked you out yet, you're not yet on their radar. And to get on their radar after the fact, most guys won't respond unless you throw yourself at them. 2) if I'm going to have to do that, why wouldn't I just ask the fool out myself? It's so much less demeaning. Mom sighs and says she just thinks I will be happier if I date more. How do I get her to realize that I am, in fact, quite happy and not bemoaning my singledom in the slightest?
Footloose and Fancy Free

Dear Ren McCormack,
I'm uncharacteristically proud to read this letter. It's so hard to be an educator and feel like you're talking to yourself, day after day, trying to help people. I mean, you hope you're getting through to someone but...

But this! Look at you, you shining beacon of hope! Embrace your singledom! It's a fun time! You're saving SO MUCH MONEY on holidays! You're a model Single Person and I applaud you! Even more so, given that we're staring down the barrel of Valentine's Day. Fifty gold stars for you. 

Forget what your mom is saying--she's probably going through Baby Fever, where she's starting to panic about not becoming a grandmother and it's happening all around her, and SHE JUST WANTS A BABY TO SNUGGLE, OK? IS THAT SO WRONG? My mom should start a support group for that. 

Keep dancing and doing your thing, Ren. You're doing alright. 
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

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