Dear Bitter Amanda,
I am a true wedding crasher. I arrive at weddings before they begin, and try to get either the bride or groom alone to ask if they have truly considered the consequences of the actions they are about to take. Unfortunately, I’ve been banned from every church, synagogue, and wedding hall in the area. How can I convince these institutions that I provide an essential public service which can possibly save couples enormous amounts of time and money in the future when they realize the errors of their ways and want to divorce?
~Just trying to help in CT
Dear Vince Vaughn,
Tough break! Those bastards in charge of joining couples for all eternity (ish) are just in it for the money! Obviously if they’re banning you, they see you as a threat, which tells me that they agree with your goals in some small, hidden way. And you know what that means! Their spirits can be broken. Like the parent of a child in the middle of a toy store, asking over and over and over for a new toy, you can wear these people down, champ! Just keep up with what you’re doing, and eventually they’ll be so exhausted from the fight that they’ll give in.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda
3 comments:
Hahahahaha! That was hilarious!
BTW: Some of us bloggers are meeting in Lansing on St. Patty's Day. There's a very good chance of me, dressing up like a slutty leprechaun and getting completely blitzed because I feel like it's my duty as a red head to celebrate this holiday the way the irish intended it to be celebrated--completely drunk.
You NEED to come and play with us that weekend. NEEEEEEEEEEEED.
Let me know if you can. If you can't, well, I'm a pretty good stalker. I'm not above kidnapping.
You just issued basically all the magic words in one post. Seeing the words drunk AND blitzed in one sentence even made up for what would have been a creepy stalker remark! I'll have to check out my schedule for St. Patrick's Day, but it sounds like an awesome time.
Good for people to know.
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