Sunday, December 14, 2008

Dear Bill Murray...

Dear Bitter Amanda,
I'm a long time reader, and I've even written before (Bill Murray) about the dreamy boy from out west who sends the unmistakable signals despite being in a long distance relationship. So I'm writing again, because the aforementioned gentleman-friend and I hang out all the time and have a great friendship... and admittedly there's still definitely some flirting business going on on both sides. Recently, however, my dear darling roommate cornered him in a bar while they were both somewhat inebriated. She made an inappropriate comment about his incessant flirting, to which he replied, "Yeah it's harmless, you know... but I do have a girlfriend." ::long pause during which roommate makes another inappropriate drunken comment:: "Well if I weren't seeing my MidWestern Slut (read: his current girlfriend), things would probably have happened already with X (read: yours truly)." Bitter, what am I supposed to do with this information!?!? It's pretty much worse than not knowing. Like, consolation prize, I kinda dig you, but nothing's going to ever happen because I'd rather have a long-distance-thing with this chick I like to constantly fight over the phone with (because there totally is a ton of regular over-the-phone arguments). So there you have it, why in the world are boys so lame? And why the hell do they admit things (things that you can't do anything about) that just make you feel sort of dazed and confused?Sigh...
Madame X

Dear Bill Murray,
Ah, yes, I remember your question! (Readers: see question here.) I'm sorry to hear that you're still troubled by this boy.
It seems to be a truly male quality to admit to things that you can't actually do anything about but that inevitably change things. (See: "I used to like her!") I don't know why they do this. I think in some twisted boy way, they see it as doing you a favor. "I'm not rejecting you! I know girls hate rejection! But this isn't like that, because I'm not in a position to accept you, either. If I WAS, I would totally be into you! " (Thanks?) As much as I desperately want to blame them for this bizarre behavior, I really think it comes from somewhere good within. Boys know that women often suffer from What Did I Do Wrong Syndrome, and this is their way of helping us not fall prey to it.
What they don't take into account is that combating WDIDW Syndrome directly leads to What If Syndrome, sometimes known as What Could I Have Done Differently Syndrome. (One of the main causes of long late-night chats with your BFF.)

Essentially, men, there's just no pleasing us. If you're a boy we like, and we are not in some sort of relationship with you, we will be in some sort of agony, self-imposed or otherwise.

Anyway, Bill, it sounds like this guy is going to stick it out with MidWesternSlut until things fall apart at the seams. (They will.) You should just be flattered that someone digs you, realize that OF COURSE he was into you, for you are fabulous, and move on to search for an available boy who recognizes you as the goddess you are. Feel free to indulge in harmless flirting, if you can indeed flirt without getting your hopes up.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

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