Sunday, October 10, 2010

Dear Superfan...

Dear BA,

So, I've been reading your blog for ages now, and i've always enjoyed the advice you have given other ladies (and men) when they are in a tricky situation. Well i am in a situation myself. I don't know if I went on a date or not. about 9 months ago i started talking to a guy I met on match. We hit it off really well, went out to lunch and then he kind of stopped talking to me. Another guy asked me out and i said yes because well, the match guy disappeared. He showed up a few weeks later but i was already attached.
fast forward to 3 weeks ago. I was dumped, facebook statuses change and match guy starts fb chatting with me again. So we talk a bit and he uses the word "dear" with me, in the context of "yes dear" and "of course dear".
Well he rides motorcycles and i asked him if he would mind having a passenger before the weather got cold and he was for it. So yesterday was our set time to go. he is supposed to call me around 2/3 pm and i don't hear from him until 4. turns out he was in a car accident and his car is totaled but he still wants to go for a ride. So he shows up and we are getting ready to leave and he gets a phone call, and it turns out we are going to have dinner with his cousin and his cousin's girlfriend. Which i had no idea was going to happen.
So we go to eat with them and i feel out of place. I mean they talk about cars and motorcycles and people they know and i just kind of sit there trying to be a part of the conversation. He pays for dinner btw.
then "we" all go to the mall, not on a motorcycle ride like i was expecting (even though we rode the motorcycles to the mall and to eat). Match guy is attentive, and we talk/flirt. His cousin and girlfriend want to walk around the mall, so we do.
We finally leave the mall and the sun is starting to set and we go on a short (10 minute) ride before match guy takes me home. (a great thing about motorcycle rides is you are forced to hold on to the person in front of you, and i couldn't help notice match guy has GREAT abs.) But its not just match guy who takes me home but his cousin and his girlfriend also come along. So I take off my helmet, hand it back to match guy and he put it on (there are no helmet laws in Indiana and match guy let me use his helmet and he went without).
We stand around talking for a bit and then I go inside and I THINK i hear his cousin say "why didn't you kiss her?" they leave.
I am confused. Was that a date? or did he bring his cousin along so he didn't have to be alone with me? he did date things like pay for dinner and pick and drop me off, but the date moments were counteracted by all of the non-date moments.
I need professional advice, what do you think?
an avid reader.

Dear Superfan,
There needs to be a hotline for this kind of thing. The number of women wondering this same thing is absolutely ridiculous. Alternately, I would like a TV show about it...Mystery Date Squad...who follow you around and decide if you're on a date.
I'm not going to call men stupid (what??) but rather say that men are constantly making choices that women generally regard as clueless. (Example from your outing to follow, Reader.) It's very difficult to have faith in them sometimes, after dealing with so many Bizarre Life Choices. And so, so many of them seem to happen when debating whether or not one is on a date. Coincidence? Your call, friend.
I can see why you're confused. Lots of moments there point to Date. And popping back into your life out of nowhere? That's interesting.
I don't think he brought his cousin to make sure he wasn't alone with you. I would actually call this one more toward Yes on the Date Scale if forced to choose, since it was his cousin and his cousin's girlfriend.
Remember those clueless choices I mentioned? Here we go. Mr. Motorcycle Abs might have wanted to kiss you! He might have been working on that. Or maybe he wasn't. We'll never know! Why? Because his freaking cousin and his cousin's girlfriend were standing there providing you with a super awkward audience! Who is really going to go in for the first kiss in front of family and other people? Kissing is not a spectator sport!
Ok, so maybe his cousin didn't realize there was a Vibe and that he was totally stepping on Kissing Time. (Could I please capitalize more things in this post? I'll work on it.) Sure. Totally valid. HOWEVER. If you are aware enough to ask why it didn't happen, you should be aware enough to realize that you should step away for a sec. (Boys, get it together!)
All in all, I'm calling this a Pre-Date. (Capital letters just for you, kids.) An interview for a date. You can't really call it a date because there are too many weirdo factors at work. However, I'm not comfortable saying it wasn't a date, either. You and I both need more information. If given another opportunity to hang out with this guy (and you're feeling it), go for it. We can reevaluate after that.
Tell him to leave the family reunion at home.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

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