Saturday, May 19, 2007

Dear Gassy...

Dear Bitter Amanda,
I am currently studying abroad in Paris and I have noticed that the French rules on PDA are quite different from America. In the states, holding hands is often where the line is drawn, whereas I have seen several French couples unabashedly making out all over the place! This includes the metro, street corners, restaurants, parks, need I continue? In exercising my bitterness, I've started making little fart sounds when I walk by, hoping to break the ambiance and make one if not both of them slightly confused and disgusted. Is this impolite? Do you have a better suggestion? How would you deal with your bitterness in these situations?
Yours truly,
tiny fart

Dear Gassy,
Impolite? Is making farting noises at happy couples impolite? YES! Of course it is! There are few things less sexy than farting. So naturally, I must applaud you! I approve! We should go eat ice cream together!
I cannot improve upon your methods; only teach you some of mine to expand your arsenal. Shouting out inappropriate/unsexy things such as 'syphilis' is always a classic. Gagging noises are a subtle and classy way to let the amorous couple know that their display is unappreciated. And if you're not looking for subtlety, throw things. Small things, mind you. (Lawsuits blah blah blah.)
You keep fighting the good fight, champ.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

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