Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Dear Haylie Duff...

Dear Bitter Amanda,
My little sister - and by little I mean 23 yrs old- just moved back home after living for a year overseas. I'm so happy to have her around! But she's been home for maybe three days, and she already has a date! I've lived here for three YEARS without so much as a hey-you-wanna-grab-a-cup-of-coffee-?. What gives?
Signed, Big Sis

Dear Haylie Duff,
Little sisters often forget the pecking order when it comes to dating. Sure, it looks glamorous, but you wait for your older sister to get some before you go out looking for it! It's the natural way of things, dammit.
Practice slipping the following sentences into casual conversation. "*Little Sister* is quite graceful, considering she has a peg leg. Like Captain Hook, that one..." "Yeah, *Little Sister* has such a lovely face...you'd never guess it's not the one she was born with. " Or, the vague, "*Sigh.* It's too bad about *Little Sister*..." You can also customize a flyer like the one below, for additional help.
Then, go out in public with her frequently. You'll just look that much hotter. Because nobody thinks a rabid raccoon mauled YOUR face.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

PS- Boys are notoriously lame about asking girls out. And about everything else in life, other than like...making inappropriate remarks and getting the high score on their Wii. Don't take it personally.

1 comment:

Brie said...

i lost it at "dear Haylie duff."

OMG--i <3 you.