Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Dear Self One Year Ago...

Dear Bitter Amanda,
I'm a listless loser--jobless and pointless--living in a suburb known for its uncanny ability to suck people in like a black hole and keep them there until one day they wake up with bed sores on their asses and tears in their eyes. Anyway, I need to know the secret code for escape from such a place. How am I, someone without resources, to break free from this mindnumbingly boring place without afixing jumper cables to my ears and turning the engine over???
Braindead in Boringville

Dear Self One Year Ago,
I did not think Bitter Amanda of the Past could send letters to Bitter Amanda of the Present. Since this is just not possible (and if it is, it's just freaking weird...and I am in no mood to be inspiration for the next sci-fi thriller) I can only assume that you are perhaps a recent college grad? And that maybe things aren't turning out quite the way your commencement speaker made it sound? They are, I've figured out, notorious liars.
"The whole world is at your doorstep. You can do anything you want. You are on the brink of the best years of your life!" All that crap. What they should be saying is, "The whole world is at the doorstep of your parent's house, where you will live until you can afford to leave. You can do anything you want, as long as you want to do some part-time work that isn't necessarily related to your degree, because that booming economy you hear about sometimes? Is nowhere near where you live. You are on the brink of leaving the best years of your life, since nothing will ever be as much fun or as interesting as college."
Damn, I'd write a good speech. But the answer you're looking for? Not so much. Find something that amuses you, even if it's...oh, say...making fun of people. Then at least you'll have one bright spot in your day.
Good luck, champ.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

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