Monday, September 11, 2006

Dear Hopeful...

Dear Bitter Amanda,
My date and I had a really good time, and he was really awesome, and I really thought that we had a connection, and if we had children they would definitely have blue eyes and their last name would be "Harrison", which I think is really nice. BUT, he hasn't called me back yet, and it's been six months. What should I do? I've tried setting up a tent outside of his window, but I got arrested! Any advice?
-The Hopeful Mrs. Harrison

Dear Hopeful,
Or rather, "hopeless." It's not you--I promise! It never is. Here's the thing: if my date set up camp at my house to get my attention, my black, bitter heart would have actually beat. I kid you not. What's important to remember in this scenario is that he's a man and therefore bound to a. suck at life, and b. be an asshole. My advice to you is cut your losses. You're too hot to wait around for him.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda