Thursday, September 28, 2006

Dear Enjoying...

Dear Bitter Amanda,
I was shocked and appalled recently when I opened an envelope addressed to 'Current Single Resident' that was sent to my home. Inside was a survey you were asked to fill out if you were 'not happy with your current [single] situation.' If you answer yes to a series of ridiculous questions, you are asked to contact this organization who has the registered trademark The Relationship Experts. They offer to introduce you to a stream of people to meet and fall in love with. The most horrendous part of letter was they claim to send this letter out to millions of people each month. How is a company that makes money by making single people feel inadequate, unloved, and hopeless be allowed to exist? They also end the letter by sincerely apologizing to those who are married or involved in a serious relationship for receiving the letter. They even have a website that you can register with to find that "special someone". What can be done about stopping this horrendous organization?
Enjoying the Single Life

ps. Since simply describing the letter can not truly convey its horrific nature, I will try to get a hard copy of it to you.

Dear Enjoying,
First of all, I am quite happy to hear that you're lovin' the single life. If I was the type of person who felt good about saying "you go girl!" I'd do it right now. I am not, however, that type of person. I, too, am shocked and appalled by the sound of this letter! So I did a little googling. (FINALLY, my internet stalking skills are put to good use.) The company's website for finding a soulmate is very vague. Here are a couple observations, though. First of all, they claim to produce a match every 17 minutes and a marriage each day. I'm curious to know how many divorces they produce, but that kind of statistic is surprisingly unavailable. Second of all, their "In the Media" section reads much like ads for a terrible film. Generic, diplomatic statements such as "Business is booming!" and "The largest dating service out there!" Not exactly helpful.
Further googling led me to a website about revealing scams. According to several users, it's ridiculously expensive. This explains why they send out millions of letters--the more you send, the greater the odds of someone signing up.
Ok then, now that I've filled readers in on what I learned, onto your question! My guess about this company is that they'll self-destruct. As most evil things do, in time. Until then, you could start a smear campaign online--make a facebook group! Those are popular with the kids these days, I hear. Or, just remind yourself that you're better than them and their time is running out. Also, I would love a hard copy of that!
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

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