Dear Fabio...

*universally accepted male nod acknowledging presence*
Hey, Bitter Amanda, here's a dilemma.
So, I'm a tall, handsome sociable kind of fellow (think Fabio with bigger shoes) and everywhere I go, I seem to be bombarded with female problems. Recently, I moved to a remote location in the hopes of changing my life and the entire course of future events for the world...but, as usual, the women have found me. I try to keep them separate, but once I take on over 10 at a time, complications arise. How can a super-suave big-deal like me survive in a world with such femalian desires to be sated!?
Sincerely Everyone's,
Mobbed in Paradise


Dear Fabio,
Unbelievable. You are the reason women have to buy books like He's Just Not That Into You. YOU! I hope you're ok living with that kind of knowledge. It is so typical that you would believe you can "change the entire course of future events for the world." Because, you know, the world revolves around you, right?
But I digress. You wanted advice. So here's what I think you should do, big guy. STOP DATING TEN WOMEN AT ONCE. Contrary to what you may believe, you are not the only man around, and I'm sure these women can do better than you. You don't have to make a martyr out of yourself and date the entire female population. There are other men around, and I'm sure they'll be more than happy to give you a hand. Try outsourcing, mmmkay?
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

PS- For future reference, women don't generally like to be part of a harem. Pick one woman! And when you're not with her, keep it in your pants! See how that goes for you. (Assface.) *ba