Saturday, September 16, 2006

Dear Superstar...

dear bitter amanda,
when i was a little girl, i saved this weird boy from drowning in a community pool. i knew he was weird because he acted weird, and also had a scar that looked like a jellyfish. i saw him years later (i recognized his sealife scar) and he is still very weird, but i really need a boyfriend, so i can make sky corrigan very jealous and realize i am meant to be with him. but he is just so awkward looking and weird... but at the same time... i sort of actually like him... except hes ugly so i really can't. it's just that... well, sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much. what ever should i do?
mary "superstar" (thats not my real last name, its a name i am using as a pseudonym because i am writing to an advice column)

Dear Superstar,
First of all, you don't need a boyfriend. They're usually pretty lame. Second of all, stay away from the jealousy game. I'm not saying you shouldn't play games because they're childish or dishonest or any of that nonsense. I'm saying you shouldn't play games because boys are oblivious to that sort of thing, so unless your game involves you saying, slowly and to his face, "I want to be with you," he probably won't get it.
However, if you really like the awkward kid, go for it. I find that the awkward ones are the ones you end up having a lot of fun with. As for what people say, forget them. Basically, people suck 93% of the time.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

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